Never enough
by Khionne
Summary: Marinette has known Chat Noir's identity for almost two years now... but he still doesn't know that nor her identity. Why? Because Marinette's afraid to disappoint him. She could never be enough. But then, why is Chat Noir suddenly visiting her every night?
1. Realizing

**Hi! I'm new in this fandom and since long ago I've being thinking about writing something. I don't plan it to be too long, maybe 10 chapters max. I hope I'll be able to update every week. I'll see what I can do, at least the next chapter is already written.**

 **Believe it or not, even though the first two chapters are more angsty than anything else, I plan to make this a very fluffly story. I love fluff, who doesn't love fluff?**

 **And to be clear: This is a MariChat and Adrienette story mostly. Also I'll be using Rena Rouge and Carapace (Nino) as characters even though we still don't know much about them. The story isn't placed exactly after any episode, I'll just try to avoid mentioning certain things that could make it incongruent with future episodes.**

 **One last important thing! My first language isn't English and I'm writing this to get better at writing, so please be patient with me. I try to re-read it many times to spot mistakes but I'm not that good yet. I appreciate it if someone wants to help!**

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 **Chapter beta-read by KiddyCartoonFangirl**

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 **Never enough**  
Marinette has known Chat Noir's identity for almost two years now... but he still doesn't know that nor her identity. Why? Because Marinette's afraid to disappoint him. She could never be enough. But then, why is Chat Noir suddenly visiting her every night?

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 **Chapter 1: Realizing**

Marinette took three long years to figure out Chat Noir's identity. It wasn't a long process, though. At first, Marinette refused to believe any clue that lead her to Adrien Agreste. Her enamored being didn't even want to think about the possibility, so every time Adrien resembled Chat Noir, Marinette just disregarded it. Not that she hated the idea of her two crushes being the same person... she just hated to think that she had a crush on Chat Noir.

What a fool had she been!

During the span of a week, Marinette realised that her trusted companion was none than her crush. And it was one hell of a ride.

"Calm down, Marinette," Tikki said. She ate the rest of her cookie and brushed away the crumbs with her little paw. "Why do you think Adrien is Chat Noir?"

Marinette walked back and forth around her room, her fingers twitching at the idea forming in her mind. She didn't know if she was overreacting or her mind just wanted to play her a joke for liking two guys at the same time. Perhaps it was true that it was just a wild idea to satisfy her imagination. But if Chat Noir and Adrien were indeed the same person, then she... she would do nothing.

She would do _nothing_.

"... I'm a coward."

"What was that again?" Tikki asked, too distracted with her jar of cookies. Her Kwami was usually very attentive, but after a long, difficult fight, she needed a good supply of cookies to restore her energy. Marinette couldn't blame her and was actually glad that she had been left unattended while in her breakdown.

Would she really not tell him her identity? Probably, unless she a pressing reason to do it. It wasn't her fault that Chat Noir had unconsciously hinted that he attended the same school as her. No one else in that school had those beautiful green eyes and blonde hair that she knew very well from all the pictures hanging around her room.

But if she knew Adrien's and Chat Noir's features so well, how could've she missed her long time partner right under her nose? And he would've noticed her too. She had the same ridiculous pigtails as Ladybug!

"Say, Tikki," Marinette started while sitting on her chair next to Tikki. Her Kwami barely removed her eyes from the cookies but managed to make a weak hum. "Why does no one ever figure out I'm Ladybug? I mean, I have the exact same features except with a mask on, which isn't really a good way to hide someone's identity."

Tikki swallowed hard before finally looking directly at an impatient Marinette. "It's the glamour. It's like a fog that blurs your vision. It doesn't let you point out the similarities between you and your hero self."

"That makes sense," Marinette agreed. Until now, not even Alya had ever noticed how Ladybug resembled Marinette so much. Alya even had an album with pictures of random girls with dark hair and blue eyes that she found on the streets. It was a bit obsessive and at first Marinette was worried that Alya could figure it out if she happened to sneaked a picture of her into the album. But when she noticed how she never appeared in the album after several months, her response was that she didn't even realised that Marinette fit into the criteria.

People usually reassured her that there was no way that she could be Ladybug. It was half offensive and half calming. Her identity was safe, but at the same time could be a _bit_ rude for people to be so sure that clumsy Marinette could never be Ladybug.

Marinette drummed with her fingers on her desk, her mind still racing through different thoughts at the same time. "But if that's true, how could I ever know Chat's identity for sure? Maybe it's just the fog trying to trick me into thinking Chat's someone else."

Tikki giggled at her question. "Oh, Marinette. The fog doesn't trick you, it only makes things harder," she said in a motherly way. "Not even us Kwamis know how it works, but I do know that it favors people. And you have good luck! So if you don't want people to know who you're, the fog will help you make it even harder, and if you want to know someone else's identity hard enough, it'll be a bit easier."

"And Chat Noir?" Marinette asked a tad too fast. She wanted to know—she _needed_ to know if her identity was still safe. If Chat could have already figure out her identity, Marinette was going to faint.

"Chat's a bad luck cat. Poor kittens have always suffered through history because nothing ever goes the way they want." Tikki shook her tiny head, expressing how bad she felt for them. "If he wants to know your identity too much, he'll never find out for himself."

A relieved sight almost escaped her mouth. Marinette couldn't find herself to be sympathetic. She was relieved that she had gotten the good luck, though it still sucked to condemn Chat to a lifelong bad luck.

"So I'm safe," Marinette blurted out.

"Safe?" Tikki gave her a quizzical look but grabbed another cookie.

Marinette laughed awkwardly and evaded Tikki's question. "I think I need to go to sleep, I'm starting to overthink too much."

"It's been a rough day," Tikki nodded. After a long yawn, she flew to the little bed that Marinette had made for her. It was settled in a spot no one would see if someone entered her room while she was asleep, so Marinette could only hear her getting herself comfortable. "Good night Marinette, sleep well."

Marinette flopped into her bed. Her mind was still buzzing endlessly, but her body needed a rest. It was indeed a rough day, with two different akumas appearing only hours apart. The second one had been late at night, which was what had put Tikki into a food coma.

"Good night, Tikki," Marinette murmured, the warm of her bed soothing her thoughts.

...

Marinette decided that making a list was the best option.

 ** _Why would Adrien be Chat Noir?_**

Her mind went blank after writing just the title. She couldn't bring herself to make a list, it made things too real. Marinette tapped her pen anxiously against her desk and after a while she finally started writing again.

 _1\. Adrien puns as much as Chat does._

She nodded at that first reason. Being friends with Nino, Marinette got to hung out with Adrien every now and then. She didn't have the confidence to say she was friends with him or that she was able to had decent long conversations with him, but at least she was around when Adrien and Nino started being silly. It was a bit of a surprise at first, but Marinette liked that perfect Adrien was also silly Adrien.

She giggled under her breath and tapped once again her pencil.

 _2\. Blonde hair and green eyes._

 _3\. Tall… around the same height?_

 _4\. Chat said something about being a model once and Adrien is a model_

 _5\. Go to the same school_

 _6\. Adrien's never around when Chat is (but how would I be sure if I'm never around either?)_

 _7\. They both like physics_

 _8\. Harsh parents (or only dad?)_

 _9\. Both are incredibly gentle and caring_

 _10\. Chat always goes back home in the direction of Adrien's home_

Marinette read her list over and over again. Every point was too real to let it pass, and it all pointed so hard at the truth that it hurt.

She tapped her pencil again.

Even if they did share a lot in common, none of those reasons made her go _aha!_ She needed solid evidence, something she could not refuse. Something that no one else would share but them. Maybe she could give Chat wrong information and then ask Adrien to see if he repeated the same mistake. _As if,_ she huffed. Marinette didn't have the confidence to do that. She could barely talk to Adrien without tripping, stammering or getting the words mixed up. There was no way she could nonchalantly ask Adrien about the exact same lie she had told him as Ladybug without him getting suspicious. If he was really Chat, then it was like putting a big shiny sign over her head that said "I'm Ladybug!". No, she could never risk herself by doing that.

A careful plan was required for her to discover what she needed to know. But she didn't know what would be an evidence strong enough to decide that Adrien was Chat.

"What's with you girl?" Alya asked her in a whisper. She sounded annoyed and amused at the same time. "You've being tapping for a while and it's making me lose mind."

"Sorry," Marinette smiled coyly.

"What have you been working on?" Alya insisted. They were still in class, so her voice was kept to a mere whisper. She tried looking over Marinette's notebook but she quickly turned the page. Alya raised an eyebrow. "What's with that?"

Marinette was never a good liar but after being Ladybug for almost two years, she became good at making excuses. They weren't that bad, what she didn't know how to do was making it sound casual. Bless the glamour for covering up her nervous lies. "I-I've been having some winter ideas but I don't want anyone to see them yet," she said.

Alya seemed to buy her lie. "Nice! You need to show me when you're finished," she beamed happily before returning her to the class.

If Alya heard her sigh, Marinette didn't know. She had been holding her breath during the little lie without noticing, so when Alya finally looked away, Marinette blew out all the air in her lungs. She needed to be more careful. If she didn't had that good luck and the fog on her side, Marinette was positive that her secret identity wouldn't have lasted much more than a day.

At lunch, Marinette sat on a bench alone. Alya was with Nino and Adrien at the cafeteria buying lunch and Marinette had insisted that she wanted to stay there. She started chewing her sandwich, her gaze fixed on every blonde hair she could find. Paris was a cosmopolitan city and there were people of all different ethnicities just like herself. It made it easier to find blonde guys since they weren't as common as in other cities of Europe. But every blonde guy she found didn't even resemble Chat. Too short, different eye color, different smile.

And there was the glamour too. She couldn't trust her sight too much, knowing that the fog didn't let her compare the exact same color of Chat Noir with any guy she found walking around her school. Marinette growled. It could be so easy if she just asked him.

While lost in her thoughts, a blonde boy suddenly appeared in front of her.

 _Hair, eyes, height! That's him!_ Marinette thought. Just by reaction, Marinette jumped from her place and landed right beside that person. He gasped loudly and stumbled with his own feet. Instinctively he grasped Marinette's arm to steady himself but ended up just yanking her against his chest.

"What the-" he cried out loud but stopped himself before finishing the sentence. Alya laughed from behind as Adrien finally recovered from the surprise attack and gazed down to see the girl that landed on his chest. "Marinette?" Adrien asked in recognition.

Marinette didn't move, too stunned to react. Two major mind-blows happened in the span of a second. First, her subconscious had confirmed to her that Adrien was in fact Chat Noir. He was the only one alike in her school and his voice was even the same. And second, she had managed to scare him and now was breathing in his smell. Marinette swore she wasn't some kind of weird pervert that enjoyed smelling people without them knowing, but she was almost hugging him and her nose was buried in his shirt. The situation made it impossible to not breath in his scent.

"Marinette?" Adrien asked again. She finally snapped out of her daydream and looked up to find his green eyes looking at her with worry. "Are you ok?"

Too close.

She stumbled backwards, almost falling again. The only reason she didn't greet the floor was because of the grasp Adrien still had on her wrist. He pulled her against him again until Marinette recovered her balance and she managed to step backwards without killing herself.

Marinette smiled nervously. "I'm sorry Cha-," she coughed awkwardly and tried to avoid his surprised gaze. _Good work, now you've blown your own cover._ "A-Adrien. I was… uh, d-daydreaming. I had a brilliant idea and got excited. I'm sorry I startled you… haha."

The half smile he gave her didn't reassure her at all. "No worries, I wasn't paying attention either."

"Woah, girl, you've been blossoming with incredible ideas today. Something's got your mind?" Alya questioned while sitting on her side of the bench besides Nino.

Marinette unconsciously glanced at Adrien for a split second. She bit her inner lip and smiled. "Not really."

What a lie.

…

It was really obvious that Marinette avoided Adrien over the next three days. Every time he merely stepped inside her field of vision, Marinette started panicking and babbled pathetic excuses to run away.

Marinette sighed and leaned her head over the library's table. She felt really tired after three days of nightmares and hours of hard thinking. On top of that, the akumas were harder to fight because of her distractions and constant need to call him Adrien instead of Chat Noir just to see his reaction. She felt stupid just thinking that and it made her go mad that she was getting so worked up over it. Not even as Ladybug was she able to speak to Chat Noir, she just ran away right after purifying the akuma.

Alya was the first one to start asking questions about her behavior. Right after the last class finished, Alya tried to speak with her, but at the mention of Adrien's name, Marinette immediately ran away. She quickly packed her things and said a nervous goodbye before hiding in the library.

She felt pathetic.

"Things are getting out of hand," Tikki said from inside her purse. Marinette didn't even lift her head to look at her.

"I know, don't remind me," she whispered back.

"Why don't you just try to speak with Chat? He deserve an explanation as to why Ladybug has been so distant lately." Tikki was trying to cheer her up and act as a mother-like being, but none of it was working. Every time she heard her mention Chat, Marinette just wanted to forget everything. She knew. She knew that they (or he) didn't deserve to be treated that way, but she couldn't help it.

"I don't know what to tell him, Tikki," Marinette whined.

Tikki remained silent for a few seconds, making Marinette a bit anxious about what she was going to say. "Why is it so bad for him to be Adrien?"

Marinette bit her lip. "I don't know," she answered. "I think… I think I just don't know what to feel about it. I wasn't prepared to know Chat's identity."

"You've being together for a long time now. Don't you think it's time for you both to introduce yourselves for real?"

The question was unexpected. Marinette jerked up and looked directly at Tikki's little body. "What? But it was your own rule," Marinette almost shouted. The librarian coughed loudly as a warning and Marinette shivered. She needed to be more careful. "You always bugged me with the whole 'secret identity' thing."

Tikki looked confused. "That was at the beginning. You were too young and mistakes were meant to happen if you knew each other identities. But the miraculous holder's identities are bound to be known, especially between Chat Noir and Ladybug. I was only tried to protect you, but it's your decision."

"Bound to be known?" Marinette licked her lips nervously. "What does that mean?"

"I'm really old," Tikki giggled. "That's just what experience has shown me."

"Are Chat Noir and Ladybug something like… s-soulmates?" Marinette cursed herself for stammering at the simple word. She became nervous thinking of her life being bound with whoever Chat Noir really was. She wanted to deny it to herself but it was impossible: it made her feel flustered and hopeful.

 _No. Why would I be hoping? I don't want anything with him_ , she told herself while she shook her head. Surprisingly, Tikki ignored her movement.

"You could said that," Tikki said carefully. "Although I don't know if it's the correct term in human language. Soulmates usually have a romantic correlation, but for us Kwamis our soulmate is someone who's eternally bound to you. Doesn't matter the kind of love, but Chat Noir and Ladybug are always the perfect partners."

She and Chat Noir, perfect partners? Marinette felt somewhere between confused and relieved. She couldn't describe the combinations of emotions that Tikki's words made her feel.

"Sounds too good to be true," Marinette blurted out.

Tikki seemed hesitant to say something else. In the end, she slowly floated up to touch Marinette's cheek. "You're the only one capable of deciding your future. It's all up to you."

After that, Tikki didn't said anything else nor did Marinette. She couldn't understand Tikki's last words and they floated around her mind the entire walk home. During the next hours, Marinette couldn't stop thinking about the relationship that previous Chats and Ladybugs had. She wanted to ask Tikki about it but after watching her cuddle in her bed, Marinette couldn't bring herself to remind her of the past. Even if Tikki assured her that Ladybug was blessed with luck, Marinette's intuition told her that not all stories ended nicely.

Thinking about that made her realize how childish she was behaving. She was throwing a tantrum because she didn't want to face reality. Marinette was afraid of the future. Of how their relationship would change.

When her clock reminded her that it was midnight, Marinette stood up from her bed, feeling a bit more relieved.

"Tikki, get up. We have patrol," Marinette poked her Kwami softly. "It's midnight already."

"Is it?" she answered with a sleepy voice. Her mouth opened in a yawn. "I'm tired."

"So am I, but Paris needs us," Marinette reasoned. Even she didn't know how she had managed to not skip patrol during so many years. It was tiring, but her Ladybug responsibility was stronger. "Tikki, spots on!"

As soon as she was inside her suit, she jumped out from her balcony and started her duty as Paris' guardian. It wasn't an easy job, but acting as a vigilante was easier than fighting akumas. Every patrol night, Ladybug dedicated herself to protecting the innocent civilians. She only stopped low-class robbers and accompanied lonely people walking on dark streets, but it made her tired enough to make her a bit sleepy in class the next day. Usually at three in the morning, Ladybug went home again to sleep. The next day would be Chat Noir's turn, so she could have an entire night of sleep.

However, Ladybug decided to spend the rest of the night at the tip of the Eiffel Tower. She loved the sight up there. It relaxed her and let her think a lot more easily.

"My lady." A shadow appeared from behind her, startling her. Ladybug was about to react until she recognized the voice of her long time partner. His tail flicked nervously behind him.

Ladybug didn't turn around. "What are you doing here? It's not your patrol night."

Chat sat beside her, a bit too far away. Ladybug tried to ignore that fact and continued to gaze at the horizon. The Trocadero was completely empty at that hour, making it look nostalgic. It was weird watching an empty place that was visited every day by thousands of people from all around the world.

"I wanted to talk with you," he finally said.

Ladybug hummed. "What about?"

She didn't want it to be about the thing she had being thinking before.

"Did I do something wrong?"

Ladybug instantly turned around to face him, even though Chat Noir refused to look at her. He was grabbing his baton with too much strength and his facial expression was one of hurt. Most of time, Chat's tail flicked uncontrollably, but now it was laying flatly on the ground.

"No!" Ladybug cried, making Chat flinch and face her right away. His expression now showed plain surprise. "You have done nothing wrong! Why would you think that?"

"You've been acting weird," he said cautiously. "I thought I had done something wrong. Maybe… maybe I'm starting to act differently and it pisses people off? I don't know. I…," he trailed off. Chat covered his face with his hands, unable to look directly at Ladybug, he didn't wanted her to see his weak face. "I'm sorry, I'm probably overthinking this, but I don't know what to do when people important to me start ignoring me."

Ladybug's throat felt dry and not even water could've stopped the burning sensation she had throughout her body. She didn't want to be conceited, so she reached Chat's back with her hand to softly comfort him and asked in her sweetest voice, "What do you mean, kitty? Did something happen?"

It took him a while to manage his voice to talk. "You and a precious friend have been ignoring me, giving me the cold shoulder, and I'm afraid I did something to make you both hate me," he mumbled.

 _Don't get ahead of yourself, Marinette, it could be a coincidence,_ she reminded herself. The little comforting circles Ladybug was making on Chat's back seemed to be efficient. He finally gazed at her, his eyes numb with sadness.

"You've done nothing wrong," Ladybug said. "Maybe it was just a coincidence that your precious friend and I decided to be assholes at the same time," she laughed. "I'm sorry, Chat. I didn't meant to hurt you, sometimes I can't help myself."

"Is something troubling you?" Chat questioned.

Even when he was hurting because of her, Chat remained the caring partner she always knew. It pained her to have been such a bad friend to him because she couldn't put her mind at ease.

"Nothing important," she shrugged it off.

"Are you sure?"

Ladybug half-smiled. "I will once I settle my mind."

They remained silent, just enjoying the quiet night. After years of fighting akumas and going on night patrols, the reward was those little moments that no one else could enjoy. The very top of the Eiffel Tower was theirs alone, a view no person could experience. It was hers and Chat's, their private place. Ladybug felt happier than she should've been when she thought about it. Her life was linked with Chat Noir's and they were allowed to share something no one in the entire world could.

The tranquility usually helped her soothe her mind, but she couldn't stop thinking about that _precious friend_ Chat talked about. Ladybug bit her lips, restraining herself from asking. It was the closest she could be to confirm his identity without him knowing, but it still felt wrong.

She couldn't deny the jealousy lingering on her mind. Without knowing, she talked. "So… what about that _precious friend_ of yours?"

Chat lifted his ears attentively like a real cat. A playful smirk crossed his face. "Are you curious?"

She wanted to curse herself for being so obvious. "A bit," she admitted. "You've never once mentioned any friend. I guess I'm just getting interested about your life. We've been partners for so long but I don't know much about you."

"Oh?" the amusement could even be heard on his voice. "Are you finally loosen up a bit?"

Ladybug frowned. "Don't answer, I don't care anymore."

"Alright, alright," he placated. "I don't think I can tell you her name without possibly giving out my identity, it's quite unique but beautiful. We've been friend for a while now, she's really caring and lovely, but I always get the feeling that she hates me."

 _Lovely and caring. I would be impressed if he's really talking about me._

"Why would she hate you?" The curiosity was taking over her. She couldn't stop asking, she wanted to know if that really was her.

"She has always had these weird reactions with me. She gets nervous, avoids me, doesn't know how to talk with me. She's always so confident and tries her best to help those around her, but all of that goes away when she's with me. Although lately it wasn't that bad… until she started avoiding me again," he narrated. The story felt awfully familiar to be a coincidence.

But something didn't add up well. He wasn't aware of her feeling even though everyone knew because of her being an uselessly clumsy and obvious girl in love. It was impossible, Marinette had always been so sure that Adrien just decided to ignore her feelings to avoid hurting her. It couldn't be.

Adrien had to be the most dense person on this world to not know how hopelessly in love she was.

She suddenly felt nervous all over again. "Have you never thought that she might… like you?"

 _Stupid, stupid! Stop talking!_ she scolded herself.

"What? Of course not!" Chat jumped in his place, too surprised at her words. "She couldn't possibly like me, I'm sure of it."

Ladybug couldn't believe it. If Chat really was Adrien, then he was too dense to be real.

"Yeah, sure. You're right, if you're sure then that's it," she tried to agree with him pathetically. Her words didn't even make sense, but Ladybug wanted to erase any possibility of him realizing her feelings.

To her relieve, Chat didn't mention her abnormal behavior.

"So, what happened with her?" Ladybug continued pressing the matter.

"Uhm," he trailed off. "Maybe I'm being over-sensitive, but this week she's been rather cold with me. It's not like her to be that way. Even if she hated me, she would always try to greet me."

"Why don't you try talking with her?"

Chat shook his head. "I don't think that will work if she continues to avoid me."

Ladybug made a mental note to not avoid him anymore, this couldn't be dragged any longer without hurting him. Marinette had never been aware that she was someone capable of hurting him with her attitude.

"I wish I could be closer to her," Chat continued, surprising Ladybug. "I always get this feeling that I know her from before or something. We could be best friends if she let me talk with her more."

Her heart broke with his words. She wanted to cry and apologize for being such a mess with her feelings. But instead, she swallowed her words and decided to continue be Ladybug instead of Marinette. She couldn't become so emotional so easily. And besides, Chat didn't have a clue about her identity.

Ladybug playfully elbowed his side even though she felt her chest press. "Hey, you're my best friend, I won't share."

 _Even though it would still be me_ , she thought still with heaviness.

She finally managed to make Chat laugh for real. "At least I've now ascendent to best friend. That's paw-some," he teased.

Although she always rejected every flirty comment and cat puns, Ladybug giggled. "Don't get ahead of yourself."

 _Chat_ —Adrien... _likes me, flirts with me, he's always looking forward to our meetings._

"I need to take my chances," Chat flirted.

 _No. He likes Ladybug, it's not the same._

"Stop it," Ladybug pleaded, sorrowful. It hurt much more than she thought. As much as she liked being Ladybug, Marinette found herself hating having a secret identity. "You're always doing that, I don't like flirty people."

Chat changed his expression. "You seem to be misunderstanding," he said. "I only flirt with you, my Lady. You probably won't believe me, but I do love you."

She felt her heart broke. Those weren't the words she wanted to hear. It was so ironic she couldn't help laughing with a bittersweet taste. The two guys that she liked were the same person, which also liked her. But not _her_ , the ordinary Marinette that wasn't brave or stunning. He only liked a really glorified version of herself that only existed with the mask on, someone she only pretended to be. Ladybug was her own rival.

The sun was finally appeared at the horizon and Marinette was sure that she was going to be extremely sleepy in class. But at least she knew that Adrien was going to be too, or at least she thought so.

She strongly wanted to be wrong.

"I think we should get going," Ladybug said while standing up, pretending that she was going to ignore his words. It was best to leave it that way. "Tikki must be really tired of all the time I've been transformed."

"Tikki?" Chat gave her a quizzical look, completely ignorant of her sadness. "That's your Kwami's name?"

She was tired herself after a long night of no sleep. At least she had managed to sleep before patrol, but she was tired enough to start leaking information she didn't intent to give. "Uhm," she considered ignoring his question but decided that it wasn't worth it. "Yes, her name's Tikki. And I can feel how tired she is, so I'm gone. Good-bye!"

Ladybug didn't catch Chat's smile before jumping down from the Eiffel Tower but she managed to hear his last words at the distance. "Someday I'll meet her! And you'll met Plagg!"

 _No, you don't want to._

…

The first few classes were absolute torture trying to keep her eyes open and when recess finally arrived, Marinette didn't have the energy to think about anything related to Adrien anymore. But life reminded her that not all her problems were about love.

"When are you getting your letter, Marinette?" Alya asked, startling Marinette. At first, she didn't understand what she meant but after a few second of intense thinking, something snapped inside her mind.

University.

Marinette licked her lips nervously. She didn't want to think about it. Maybe all the fuss about Adrien being Chat Noir was just her way of getting her mind away from that specific topic. "What's the date today?" she asked and instantly reached for her phone to see the date.

Her mind went blurry, her head hurt too much. She didn't pay attention to the date but Alya did.

"Oh! It's today!" Alya snapped. "You said it would arrive today. Aren't you excited?"

Saying she hated looking forward for the letter was something that she wasn't going to tell Alya. After months of waiting, the day had finally come but Marinette didn't want anything other than a good amount of sleep.

Alya grabbed her with excitement, an emotion that Marinette didn't share. She was more anxious and tired, and the whole issue with Adrien/Chat had drained her completely. "You're definitely getting accepted, don't worry!" Alya almost shouted. "ESMOD, right?"

"Wow, that's a big one," Adrien exclaimed. "My father went there."

Marinette tried to smile but ended up forming a tired grimace. "I probably won't get accepted. It's too big for someone without recommendations."

"Don't say that, Marinette. You're really talented, I'm sure you'll get in," Adrien reassured her. His hand slowly caressed on her back with circular movements, just as she had done the night before. It proved to be just as nice as she thought it was.

 _I wouldn't be so sure_ , she thought.

The conversation trailed off to another topic, leaving her alone with her thoughts. She was grateful that no one else reminded her of the letter in the rest of the day. It made her uncomfortable when people found out she applied for such a big recognized fashion university. It was embarrassing when she thought about being rejected and everyone getting to know she wasn't enough to fulfil her dream.

Marinette dragged her feet all the way to her house, not wanting to know about the letter. Luck was still on her side when she entered the house and found no one. With her energy left, Marinette didn't bother searching for her parents and climbed to her room to sleep.

When she opened her eyes again, it was already dark. Out of reaction, Marinette reached for her phone. 9pm and a message from Adrien.

 _A message from Adrien!_

Marinette instantly jumped from her bed and opened the conversation.

 **Adrien Agreste:** Hey, I'm sorry if this is weird, but I really wanted to write you. Is there something wrong? You've being acting weird and I'm getting worried. Did I do something bad? I hope I could talk it out with you if that's the case. But you know, without the stammering and usual avoidance. Not that I'm complaining, you may have your reasons… but I really want to be friends with you. So if you want to talk, I'm always here.

He took Ladybug's advice too straightforward and Marinette couldn't control how flustered she felt.

"Marinette?" Tikki called her with sleepy voice. She had also been sleeping all day to regain her energy. "Why are you moving around so much?"

"Tikki!" Marinette suddenly shouted. "Spots on!"

"Wha-" before she could finish her sentence, Tikki was sucked into Marinette's earrings and as soon as she was transformed, Marinette ran towards Adrien's house.

She felt overly excited, her body trembled in anticipation. She wanted to tell Adrien her identity, to be confident in herself and let Chat Noir be part of her daily life. Even if she was in love with him, it didn't matter. It was worth it if she could be with her best friend without the mask too. It wasn't fair with Adrien to make him longer for a friendship he already had.

Ladybug stopped on top of a tree branch in front of Adrien's room.

In the spur of the moment, Marinette didn't think about how to tell him. It would be too shocking if she just entered his civilian room and undid her transformation in front of him. There was also a little possibility that she had been wrong all along. Confusion and doubt settled on her mind. What if he became disappointed by Ladybug, or rather, the person beneath the mask? Marinette wasn't as strong and confident as Ladybug. Paris' heroine was just a character she impersonated to win the confidence of the citizens.

And Chat Noir might have not wanted her to know his identity. After all, they had promised each other to not spy on each other to find information about their identities.

What was she doing there? It was all wrong.

"Plagg!"

The recognition of that name struck her. Just the night before, Chat Noir told her that his Kwami was named that way. Just as she was about to leave, Adrien came into her view. A few seconds later, a little black creature appeared floating in front of him while hugging a piece of cheese.

Ladybug almost fell from the branch but tried to compose herself when Adrien's voice reached her again.

"Stop messing around, Plagg," Adrien groaned. "I've already told you I don't like her, she's just a friend!"

"Yeah, whatever you say," the little creature said back without interest.

"I only love Ladybug," Adrien continued, his voice showed how pissed off he was and the determination of his words. "I could never like Marinette. My love belongs only to Ladybug."

Plagg uttered a word and stopped dead on his tracks. His eyes glanced at her direction and Ladybug shivered. The black Kwami saw her, their eyes connected for a second that she felt that lasted an eternity. But at the moment Ladybug was about to run away, Plagg turned away from her without a word.

"Let's go patrol," Plagg said, suddenly serious.

"Plagg?" Adrien questioned. "Is something wrong? What were you looking at?"

The only reason she didn't get discovered was because Plagg interfered in Adrien's way. Ladybug grabbed the branch tightly, hoping to be as covered as possible. "Nothing, let's go!"

The green light that surrounded Adrien blinded her and even after Chat appeared on his place, Marinette couldn't react. She watched him jump from his window and leap from building to building until he disappeared in the darkness of the night.

She had been wrong.

Marinette wasn't prepared to reveal her identity nor confirm Chat's.

…

Her transformation was released the moment Marinette touched her bed. An angry Tikki was shot out of her earrings, landing beside her on the bed.

"Marinette!" she cried angrily. Her usual composed expression was now distorted to a upset face. "What was that for? You could've given me a head's up. And what were you doing at Adrien's house?"

Marinette laid on her bed and hid her face against the pillow. She groaned, telling Tikki she didn't want to talk at the moment.

Tikki didn't say anything else. As a good mother-like Kwami, Tikki reached her cheek and put her little paw on it. "Are you alright?"

"How can I be?" Marinette lamented. "I've ruined it all."

"Don't be so dramatic, you didn't ruin anything. Just talk with him, be sincere," Tikki tried to console her without achieving it. No matter what the Kwami told her, Marinette felt guilty and confused. She thought that it didn't matter, that knowing Chat's identity was alright. But it wasn't and she couldn't put a finger on the exact problem around all of it.

But Tikki was right. She needed to talk with Adrien and explain the situation. Although she didn't knew how to do that without revealing her identity. And right now, Marinette was sure that she didn't want him to know the clumsy Marinette was confident and beautiful Ladybug.

"I'll talk to him," Marinette promised. She wasn't sure if it was to herself or Tikki. "Someday, at least."

"Mari-"

Her door suddenly opened, and by the moment her mother reached her bed, Tikki was nowhere to be found. "You're awake! Good, I've been wanting to give this to you," her mother exclaimed.

Marinette feared the worst. And when her mom handed her the envelope, she knew that it was just what she was thinking. As cautiously as possible, Marinette grabbed the white letter and examined the old-fashioned stamp.

"You've been asleep all the afternoon and I thought you weren't going to wake up, but since you're awake now, better now than later," Sabine said with a big smile. Everyone believed in her being able to be accepted into the best fashion university and assured her that everything was going to be alright. Marinette felt a bit guilty for ruining everyone's mood by being so pessimistic.

It was hard, but Marinette managed to give her mom a smile after blankly staring at the envelope. "Thanks, mom."

Sabine rubbed her hands together, a bit impatient. "I know you'll probably want to open it alone, so I'm leaving. I'm heading to bed, so if anything, you can wake us up. Good luck, my love!"

Tikki came out after the door clicked.

"Is that…?"

Marinette nodded. "It is."

Being nervous was an understatement. Marinette felt like exploding. Not only had she discovered Chat's identity that night but also the path she was going to follow after graduation. It was a lot to stomach.

"You can open it tomorrow if you want," Tikki comforted her.

"No," Marinette declared. "I'm not backing out right now."

Tikki smiled at her. "Then, I'm going to leave you alone so you can open it. 'Night, Marinette."

 _Good luck._ Marinette didn't know anymore if the luck was truly on her side. She silently prayed to her good luck. She need it. Slowly, Marinette opened the envelope and unfolded the letter.

As her eyes traced the words, Marinette's world broke into pieces.


	2. Fear

**Wow! Thank you so much for liking and commenting the first chapter! I never expected to even have one review, so I'm getting more excited about continuing this story. I had this chapter written before posting the first chapter but I made some changes, extended some scenes and added more things, so it took me some time. I have a weird way of writing stories, I usually write short, draft scenes and then add more actions or dialogs. That's why this chapter used to have more scenes but I elongated it too much so I had to cut what happens next or it would've been like a 10k+ chapter.**

 **The first chapter has been beta-readed! KiddyCartoonFangirl was the one who did it, and I'm eternally grateful for helping me improve and make this story better. This chapter have not been beta-readed because I'm an idiot and I forgot to send it, so please forgive me if you see any mistakes or things that makes no sense at all. I'll probably re-upload it later. Also, thank you so much for your positive reviews and corrections, it makes me want to improve. **

**We're finally moving into the main story! I hope you'll like it. It was kinda hard to write some scenes because I'm not used to them, but I hope is good enough.**

* * *

 **Update: ****Chapter beta-read by KiddyCartoonFangirl**

* * *

 **Chapter 2: Fear**

Marinette had to run a lot to not be crushed to death. It was almost ironic how out of shape she was, considering how she used to do that every day. Some time ago, it would've been her up there in the sky trying to defeat the troublesome akuma. But now she was running for her life with her boss trailing behind her. If she wanted to keep the job, she needed to protect the materials and her boss.

"Quick!" Marinette shouted and almost tripped after barely keeping a dangling stretch of fabric from being destroyed.

"Don't ruin the fabric!" Her boss moaned. She was an elegant lady, though really annoying. Marinette wanted to break her heels, so her boss would finally decide to run instead of taking short steps so she wouldn't break her legs because of a broken heel.

It was hard to not groan. "I won't," Marinette assured, even though she didn't care much about the fabric. It was a pretty expensive material, but she preferred living than dying because of it.

When they finally arrived at a safe place, Marinette let out a long sigh of relief. She never thought their little trip to get the fabric would be so dramatic. But it was to be expected, since her boss was pretty much an older Chloe and people always ended up becoming akumatized wherever she went. After graduating from school, Marinette thought that her life would finally be at peace. She had been _very_ wrong.

Things were much harder now. Mademoiselle Marion was a very hard person to please and since had Marinette started working with her, it was impossible to leave her side. At least Marinette only stayed with her as her assistant during working hours. It would've been hell if she were her full-time assistant.

Sometimes Marinette felt pity for Loane, Marion's long-time assistant. Dealing all day with a messy person like Marion was proved to be a hard job.

"Marinette!" Marion whined. "Stay close, I don't like being unprotected."

 _This is for the recommendation letter_ , Marinette reminded herself as she sat beside her boss. Her eyes trailed to the sky where the tail of the big monster akuma—that showed up because of Marion's mean comments—could still be seen. They were really lucky to be able escape, even with Marinette's fast reflexes.

Sometimes she missed all the daily action. It made her life much more interesting than it was now.

Marinette checked the date.

 _Tomorrow._

…

During her free time, Marinette usually worked at her parent's bakery. Just helping out a bit relaxed her. The customers there were so much nicer than the ones she had to deal with when Marion was her usual bitch self. And her parents always rewarded her with delicious pastries and a hug.

Also, Alya used to spend a lot of time with her inside the bakery. It was almost the only time they could possibly meet each other.

"Coming here always enlightens me," Alya commented while biting a croissant.

"That's just because of the free food," Marinette laughed.

"That," Alya made a pause and exaggerated how delicious her croissant was on her mouth, "may be true."

Their conversations were short, but they always made Marinette laugh and forget that her life changed so drastically after graduation. It definitely wasn't how she had expected it to be. Almost a year and a half after graduation, she had seen herself already as a second-year fashion designer in a good university where she could meet a lot of other people just like her. But until now, Marinette's life was summed up as working every hour of the day while waiting to get a good recommendation letter to finally be accepted into college.

She tried to maintain a good attitude and dedicate herself to being a good employee, but it was hard to keep her mind away from negative thoughts. Marinette was about to be _20 years old_ and she hadn't even gotten into college.

"I saw Adrien today," Alya said out of the blue. Marinette didn't even flinch. "He told me he was planning on dropping his career when this semester finished. I don't blame him, though. It must be hard to be forced to study something you don't like."

"Is that so," Marinette said feeing little interest. It was a big fat lie. Even after all that time, Marinette was still in love with him. And not just _Adrien_ , but also his Chat Noir side.

"He's having a photoshoot tomorrow," Alya continued. "At the Eiffel Tower. I'm going to be there to interview some people to complete my assignment."

Marinette hummed to show that she was still paying attention while arranging some pastries. As much as she tried to keep her mind busy with that, her ears were focused on Alya.

"Aren't you going to be there?"

"What? Why would I be there?" Marinette exclaimed.

"Mademoiselle Marion is going to be there working with Gabriel Agreste," she explained. "Some summer line partnership. Didn't you know?"

Marinette was speechless and a bit ashamed to not have known that beforehand. It was usually she who knew about every new future clothing line from every good designer in Paris. And she was also working for Marion, but she hadn't told her anything.

"I didn't," Marinette admitted.

"So that bitch Marion doesn't even tell you about those things?" Alya hissed.

"Alya!"

"What?" Alya shrugged. "She is a bitch and she's not around, so I can say whatever I want without getting you fired."

"It's still mean to say bad things about other people."

"It's not talking bad about someone if I'm just telling the truth," Alya pointed out, moving her croissant in the air. "Can't make a journalist lie."

Marinette giggled. "Well, that's true."

"Why don't you just leave her?" Alya asked with annoyance. "She treats you like a piece of shit."

"I need that letter." Marinette looked away. It was still embarrassing that she had been the only one not accepted into college.

"You can get someone new who isn't such a bitch like her."

"It's not that easy to get a job," Marinette argued.

"Why would anyone reject someone as talented as you?" Alya hissed.

 _Stop it, I'm not that talented_ , Marinette thought. She didn't say anything back and concentrated on closing the bakery. It was already late, and no one walked around the street anymore. Looking up at the sky, Marinette thought about who was patrolling that night. Carapace or Chat? Maybe Alya would be the one to patrol after leaving the bakery. She wanted to ask but she couldn't. No one knew her identity.

"I guess that's my cue to leave tonight," Alya said while gathering her stuff. All the books and notebooks spread on the table were tucked into her backpack.

"I'll go with you," Marinette suggested and took off the apron in a second, leaving no moment for Alya to refuse her.

"It's just a couple of streets, don't worry."

"Still, it's better if I go with you," she insisted. "I'll come running after that."

Alya seemed indecisive but nevertheless allowed Marinette to come out of the bakery with her. Marinette knew what she was thinking. Alya had Trixx to defend herself if anything happened, so she wasn't really in much danger. On the other side, Marinette could only run and shout. Some time ago that would've been a lie but now Alya was right.

They walked just two blocks when Alya stopped. "I can go alone from here," she said. "You can go back, thanks for accompanying me."

Marinette gave her a smile. "See you next time."

"Go straight home!" Alya shouted before continuing walking. Marinette didn't move in a while, watching how Alya entered a little alleway no one would go into and a few minutes later, Rena Rouge was jumping from roof to roof. Perhaps it really was her patrol night.

Yearning struck her. Watching how Rena almost flew in the sky made her heart jump. Marinette missed it. She wanted to feel the wind against her skin and how powerful she felt when night was her partner rather than her enemy.

She sighed and turned around.

Without thinking, Marinette started walking aimlessly. The streets were empty, and no one bothered her. She always liked the night, where there was no one around with whom she needed to act strong. Marinette was tired of it. Of her life, her personality. Not being able to be Ladybug was both sad and reassuring. She hated needing to be protected, but she also didn't need to act as someone she wasn't. Even if Ladybug was all she wanted to be, in the end she just _wasn't_ and that made her more anxious about herself.

If she would have thought about it beforehand, Marinette wouldn't have gone to take a walk alone at night. It wasn't really that late, but not having Tikki made her a bit uncomfortable. For almost four years, Marinette felt invincible whenever she went out alone at night. She was never alone. But now she was.

She prayed that nothing would happen. She knew Rena went to the other direction, so she wasn't protected by any superhero. Not even herself.

Arriving at the Trocadero was something she did unconsciously and even though she usually felt at peace lying there on the grass, something made her feel uncomfortable. Like being watched or knowing something was going to end up wrong. Marinette turned around but there was no one, not even one soul. Returning home would've been the wisest decision but the unknown presence didn't bother her, so she continued her way through the Palace of Chaillot.

As she was going down the last stairs, the loud sound of breaking glass startled her.

"Oi," a man pointed a broken bottle at her and Marinette could do nothing but stare blankly at him. He wasn't alone—two other men lay on the floor beside him with many beer glasses lying around. Marinette immediately tried to turn around and run up the stairs again, but the man held her wrist. "Where are you going? I haven't done anything."

He was at least half a meter taller than her and could hold her wrist with an impressive amount of strength. Marinette wasn't as afraid as she should have been, but the alcohol he reeked of was a good indication that it wasn't going to be easy dealing with him.

First, she tried the good way. "Can you please let me, sir?" she asked carefully. "I need to go home soon."

"What is a young girl like you doing here at this hour?" he continued ignoring her, dragging the words with a drunken hiss.

"I need to go home," Marinette repeated.

"C'mon, don't be a killjoy," he smirked, "it's going to be fun, right mates?"

Marinette should've been afraid, trembling with fear of what could happen to her. But she didn't mind. The adrenaline was running through her blood, exciting her much more that she thought it would. She missed the danger, fighting again the evil.

"Let go of me," she demanded without a twitch in her voice. The old man laughed and the other two managed to giggle with interrupting hiccups.

"Let's have some fun," he insisted, his pressure on her wrist was starting to hurt.

Marinette buffed, and the three men looked rather confused. "I'm telling you," she hissed. "You should better let go of me."

She was Ladybug, she had fought against superpower-enhanced people and always succeeded. Even if she didn't have Tikki with her right now, she felt powerful and capable of handling it herself. It was a new feeling. She had never felt so confident as plain old Marinette.

The man tried to grab a fistful of her hair, but Marinette reacted quickly and twisted his arm, unbalancing him and sending him away from her with a kick in his lower back. As herself, she wasn't strong, but it was enough to make him kneel and groan in pain. Once again, Marinette tried to run away but a hand around her ankle made her trip. Her left knee landed on the corner of the stair, making a gruesome sound. At the spur of the moment Marinette didn't feel it, she could only see her bloody hands and how the pressure on her ankle hadn't disappeared. She kicked with all the strength she had, hoping to be able to make him let go.

Her efforts were in vain. Without the power to escape, she could do nothing. Marinette could feel herself flounder, both mentally and physically, as he dragged her to the floor. His friends held her arms to stop her from punching and the man positioned himself on top of her. Out of reaction, Marinette threw a kick directly to his crotch, which finally made him whimper.

"You little bitch," he hissed angrily. Marinette didn't shiver or cry, at least she wanted to maintain her dignity. But she couldn't fool herself: she was terrified. The man stood up, and Marinette could only let his friends raise her up as well with her hands tied up in her back.

"What a good team work," Marinette mocked, though her voice failed her near the end of the sentence.

"So, you're a fighter." He wiped the drool coming out of his mouth, ignoring completely her commentary. "It makes it so much better."

The old man laughed bitterly and before Marinette could know what was happening, he threw her against the wall, making her lose her consciousness for a few seconds. When her sight finally returned, the man was standing triumphantly in front of her. Marinette had slid down through the wall after the impact, her limbs trembling with fear. From her position, the man felt like an impossible beast. Too much for her. She didn't want to give up just now, but her confidence was dying faster with every second he could see her from such a superior view.

Marinette tried to get up, but her legs didn't respond to her commands. She could faintly hear how the other men were laughing.

The big man crouched slowly, using the wall to steady himself. His dirty hand caressed her hair, and Marinette could only wrinkle her nose because of the smell of someone who hadn't bathed in months. "You're beautiful, you know? Such a good catch," he smirked halfway.

Marinette gazed directly into his eyes.

"Enjoying, are we? Just try to-" he couldn't finish his sentence when Marinette suddenly pushed his arm from the wall, making him slam against the wall loudly and then fell backwards because of the strong push Marinette gave him to shove him far away from her.

The man groaned, and the other two started to get up too. They all looked directly at her, their expressions filled with drunken anger.

Marinette shivered. Three men against a girl who couldn't move wasn't a fair match. She tried to remind herself again that she was Ladybug, the mighty superhero of Paris. But she wasn't buying it anymore. Without Tikki and the suit, she was no one. She couldn't defeat them, even less when she was so terrified that her legs didn't move. The adrenaline wasn't working anymore.

"You're going to regret that," the man laughed sourly, wiping off the blood that was running from his nose. The impact had broken his nose, at least she felt proud of that. "Just remember this: You're the one who treated us badly first."

The three men stand in front of her, surrounding her against the wall. Marinette tried to list her options for escape: none. She was doomed. One of the other men took a step forward and Marinette closed her eyes, not knowing what else to do.

Not even fifteen seconds later, Marinette carefully opened her eyes. She didn't understand what was happening since she only heard how something big crashed against the floor. The first thing she saw was three men laying on the floor at the border of the stairs. Then, a black figure moved just in front of her, a figure she hadn't noticed because of how well it mixed with the night.

Marinette was too perplexed to even understand what happened or who was standing in front of her.

"Marinette," a masculine voice called her. "Are you ok?"

It took her a few more seconds to snap out of her confusion. She looked up where a worried Chat Noir supported his extended baton on his shoulder.

"I…" her words trailed off, refusing to come out. She had to force herself to speak up. "I am, thanks to you."

"I'm sorry I took so long. I tried to come as fast as possible," he said, guilt all over his voice. "But those were some good moves you had. You're very brave to stand up against three drunken men."

"You… what?" Marinette muttered.

Chat smiled sheepishly. "I saw you a few minutes ago."

"You were the one who was watching me," Marinette said, realizing striking her. That's why she felt observed.

"I wanted to be sure you were fine," Chat explained, his hand scratching his neck. "I should've noticed the men here. I wanted to give you some space, but I would've approached you beforehand if I knew it was dangerous."

Marinette tried to smile but only a nervous half-smirk came out. "Thank you."

If it weren't because of the situation, she would've felt her heart pounding with love, not fear. Even after so many years, she was still in love with Adrien and his superhero persona, though no one knew. Even Alya thought that Marinette was over her crush on Adrien, that it had been just some silly high school crush. They were young adults now, thinking of the future, and high school was just an old memory of their earlier lives.

"It was nothing," he shrugged. "I'll walk you home."

Marinette looked at the hand being offered, but the doubt didn't let her reach for his hand. "I don't think I can."

Chat took a step back. "Oh, sorry. You probably want to be alone-"

"I can't stand up," Marinette explained.

It took him a moment to understand why. Chat looked at her hands, then at her legs and finally back at her embarrassed expression. "You're hurt," he realized.

"Well… yeah," Marinette confirmed. Now that she was calming down, the pain intensified. It wasn't a nice feeling, but she could take it. "Didn't expect the impact to be so strong," she admitted.

"Looks bad," he said softly. Chat took Marinette's hands into his own, with so much delicacy that his dangerous claws merely caressed her skin. Marinette couldn't speak at his lovely touch. "Let's go to the hospital. You need to get treated."

"No," Marinette removed her hands and hid them in her lap. "It's not necessary."

"Don't be stubborn," Chat frowned. "You got beat up."

"It's not that bad," she reassured.

"Doesn't look like it."

"Chat," Marinette urged, her voice cracking. "Take me home, _please_."

She was pleading, and before she could stop it, silent tears began falling from her eyes. Marinette tried to speak again to tell him she was alright, but words got stuck in her throat. It would have been a lie. She wasn't right at all.

Chat didn't say a word. Instead. Marinette felt how his strong arms surrounded her carefully, almost as if he was afraid to hurt her even more. Even when his hands touched near her wounds, Marinette didn't felt pain.

"As you wish, princess," he muttered and raised her up in his arms. "Hold tight, you might get scared."

Marinette laughed, sobs interrupting it. "You'd be surprise."

The wind hitting her strongly started soothing her. It was like a lullaby she hadn't hear in years, one that never before failed her in washing her sad away. Even after the terrifying moment she had a few minutes earlier, Marinette felt happy in Chat's arms while rushing through the sky. Her eyes closed on their own to enjoy the moment, loving every second of it. It had been so long since the last time she did that…

"We're here," Chat announced, too soon for her. Marinette opened her eyes and recognized the little balcony above her bedroom. "Were you scared?"

"Not at all," she smiled. "It was a short trip."

"You wanted more?" Chat questioned. Even if his face was covered with a mask, Marinette could tell he was raising an eyebrow with surprise.

"Maybe," Marinette shrugged and shifted her gaze to her side, where the trap door remained closed. "You can put me down, I think I can stand up by myself."

"Sure?"

"Yeah," Marinette nodded.

Chat seemed to doubt but ultimately released her, letting Marinette stand up with his support. When he was sure that she could support herself, he slowly backed away to give her space to walk but didn't go too far away to catch her if her legs stopped working. She was trembling, and her movements were clumsy, but she managed to open the trap door and hop into her bed.

He stood awkwardly outside for a few seconds before he considered going home. Chat was about to jump when he heard Marinette's voice from inside. "Can you come inside?"

Her voice sounded fragile and broken. Chat peeked inside the trap door, seeing how she was just sitting in her bed while embracing herself. "Are you ok?" Chat asked as he also hopped inside. He remembered being inside her room years ago because of an akuma but he hadn't been there in a long time. Her room was now almost empty of photos, no Adrien in sight. But still as pink as before.

Marinette trembled. "I think I need a shower," she muttered. "Stay here."

She hurriedly entered her bathroom and shoved her clothes away. Marinette felt dirty, the smell of that man all over her. It made her nauseous. During the little trip she didn't notice the odor because of the wind but just as she entered her room, she could smell the difference. She didn't smell like herself and that had almost put her into another breakdown. Only the presence of Chat and the water washing away the smell could put her at ease.

The shower was quick but refreshing, she could feel how the pain subdued.

As she was about to get out of her bathroom after putting on her pajamas, Marinette noticed her clothes at the corner. She wrinkled her nose and threw them to the trash.

 _Just forget about it._

Chat was sitting in her chair, looking out the window and guarding a box in his lap. He didn't notice her until she was almost standing right beside him.

Why had she asked him to come inside? Marinette wanted to punch herself. At the moment she hadn't thought much about it, she just wanted to have him by her side. To have a reminder that the man was already far away from her and couldn't touch her. Perhaps she just didn't want to be alone right now. Marinette wanted to feel protected.

"Thanks for staying," Marinette smiled. "Sorry, must have been boring to stay here alone."

"Not at all," Chat said with a smirk. "You have plenty of interesting things in your room."

"Is that so?" Marinette asked and sat in another chair.

Chat stood up, and Marinette feared that he was leaving. She trailed him with her eyes, a bit confused about what he was doing when he stopped right in front of her.

"Give me your hands," he commanded. Marinette obeyed, trying to see that he was holding the first aid kit she always had around her room. It was a habit she gained after many times of getting injured in a fight. Tikki usually shielded her from the damage, but she wasn't the perfect armor. Marinette flinched when Chat touched her wounds, distracting her of thinking about Tikki. "Sorry," he apologized but continued curing her. "I don't usually do this to someone else."

"Do you get injured a lot?" Marinette asked.

"Kind of an occupational hazard."

"You make it sound like it happens a lot."

"Well," Chat made a pause and took out the bandages. "Not much, actually. This suit protects me from most of the damage."

"Magical suit?" Marinette questioned even though she already knew the answer. She needed to act like someone who knew barely nothing about the superheroes of Paris, so the most common reaction would've been asking that.

Chat smirked. "That's kind of confidential."

Marinette raised her eyebrows but didn't say anything back. Until now, she never thought about what information civilians could know. Her identities were completely confidential, but what else? Something that would give them away? The logical answer would be anything that Marinette didn't want the world to know—which was almost everything aside from the fact that she could cleanse akumas.

After discovering Chat's identity, Marinette became even more wary of the information she gave about herself. She even asked Tikki to make some changes in her appearance as Ladybug to make her at least a bit more different from her civilian form. Tikki refused, saying she couldn't do that easily, but at least they agreed to stick to a bun in her hair rather than pigtails. Since then, Marinette started styling her hair different ways almost every day to avoid any possible resemblance.

Marinette glanced at Chat, who was carefully bandaging her hands. His touch was so soft that Marinette didn't feel pain at all when he unintentionally caressed her wounds. She felt self-conscious about the fact that she was alone with Chat Noir in her room. Two years ago, she would've been blushing uncontrollably but right now she felt at peace with him. She liked how he was taking care of her, treating her softly when she was close to a panic attack.

Even if she knew his identity, sometimes she had to remind herself that Chat was also Adrien. They didn't resemble each other as much as she did with Ladybug. His hair was styled different, his eyes changed too. Being with Chat wasn't like being with Adrien. She liked them both as much, but Chat made her feel more comfortable and familiar. Adrien was much more like the reserved, distant version of a well-behaved Chat.

Marinette wanted to laugh bitterly.

 _Maybe we're the same_ , she thought.

"All done," Chat announced. Marinette was so lost in thoughts that she didn't notice until his voice woke her up. He held her hands softly, not letting go. "Be careful with your hands, you shouldn't move around too much."

"That's going to be hard," Marinette said. "I've got work tomorrow."

"You _work_?" Chat exclaimed.

 _Right, Adrien doesn't know about my situation_. Marinette bit her lip, not wanting to embarrass herself in front of him. "I do, but it's just some internship to get a recommendation letter."

"Who do you work for?"

"Mademoiselle Marion."

Chat wrinkled his nose like he just heard the worst thing someone could ever say. "What a terrible job, must be hard for you."

"It is, but I try to be patient," Marinette confirmed. But when she noticed his little slip, Marinette smirked. She wanted to tease him a bit. "But how do _you_ know?"

" _Oh_ ," he realized his mistake. "I just know?"

Chat let go of her hands and took a few steps to get away from her, clearly nervous. Marinette swallowed her laugh to apparent real curiosity.

"That's a lame excuse," she said.

"I think it's time for me to go now," he immediately evaded her comment.

"Ok," Marinette didn't pressure him to say anything else. She also knew how terrible it was when someone asked about something that could give big clues about their identity.

"But are you ok by yourself?" he asked, stopping on his tracks when he was about to hop into her bed to open the trap door. "You seemed a bit… out of yourself."

"I think I'm ok now," Marinette said a bit doubtful.

"You sure?" Chat questioned, trailing her every move as she also hopped into her bed slowly.

Marinette sighed. "I actually don't know. I freaked out earlier when I was alone for just a second, stupid me." She moved her head from side to side, trying to get rid of her memories of earlier. "I just want to be outside, flying like you do, without anyone being able to catch me. But I'm also afraid of going out and see that man again. I… don't know how to be at ease right now."

"I can take you out to fly with me every night," Chat said, surprising Marinette. He was staring at her with fiercely, moving to take her hands into his once again. "I mean it. I'll help you get better, we'll find something to make you forget about it."

"Why would you do that?" Marinette countered, not being able to trust his words. To him, her civilian form was just one of the many citizens in Paris that they had helped. She wasn't Ladybug, she wasn't special. And superheroes couldn't give special treatment to just anyone.

"Just because I want to."

"Well," Marinette accepted reluctantly while removing her hands from his grasp. "We'll see how serious you're about that."

"You'll see I am," he said with determination.

Marinette nodded, watching how Chat climbed the trap door.

"Thank you. I don't know what would've happened to me if it weren't for you."

Before Chat jumped out of her room, he gave her a big grin. "It was my pleasure, _princess_. See you tomorrow!" Just like that, and without giving her the time to say anything back, Chat disappeared and left a confused Marinette.

"Did he just call me _princess_?" Marinette asked out loud to no one in particular. A single belly laugh left her body with amazement. It was unbelievable how smooth he was with his words and how flustered she felt because of it.

Marinette buried her face in her pillow, feeling the tiredness catching up.

Even among her uneasiness and loneliness in a room where she was completely alone, Marinette was able to fall asleep with the promise of Chat Noir soothing her mind.


	3. Bad luck

**I'm like the company producing Ladybug: I publish one chapter, then disappear for two months. I really don't want to be that way but a lot of things happened and university is killing me, so please understand. But to apologise, a 10k chapter!**

 **Warning: This chapter has not being beta-read and English is not my first language. So please understand if it's badly written or you don't understand something. If that happens, you can help me get better by telling me where the mistakes are. Thank you for understanding!**

 **Without anything else to say, the story. Next chapter, things are finally moving on to the main story.**

* * *

 **Update: Chapter beta-read by KiddyCartoonFangirl**

* * *

 **Chapter 3: Bad luck**

The next morning, Marinette woke up sore. She felt her whole body itching when she moved, and even if she already felt clean, remembering what happened shook her more than she wanted to. If Tikki had been with her at that moment, Tikki would've told her to rest. But Marinette was alone, and no one knew what happened the night before, so she stood up and prepared herself for a long day of work. Moving was difficult and it hurt everywhere, but it wasn't bad enough for her to decide to stay home for the day. If she endured it long enough, the pain would become tolerable. Or so she thought.

Marinette looked at herself in the mirror, noticing a big purple spot on her neck. "I don't remember that one," she said to the air. She examined the bruise, but her alarm reminded her that she was short on time to go to work. Without much of a thought, Marinette covered the bruise with makeup.

Even if Marion was going to get pissed off, Marinette walked slow and carefully.

"Are you alright, sweetie?" Sabine asked the moment that Marinette sat in her place at the kitchen.

"I am, why?" Marinette picked up her breakfast, refusing to look at her mom. Telling her what happened the night before was out of question, she didn't want to worry her mom over nothing. After all, besides how scared she was at the moment, nothing bad actually happened.

"You seem kind of down," her mom said. "Paler than usual."

"Probably because I couldn't sleep well," Marinette responded. It wasn't a lie, just an incomplete explanation of what really happened.

"Did something happen?"

Marinette swallowed her breakfast in less than a minute and gave her mom a goodbye kiss. "I'm alright, don't worry."

And she ran away with the excuse of being late to work. It wasn't fair that Marinette got used to lying so much that it became natural. She always considered herself to be honest, but there were some things that she just couldn't say.

Being Ladybug showed her how some things are better left unsaid.

…

Just like she expected, Marion scolded her for being late by five minutes.

"She's under a lot of stress," Loane told her with an apologetic smile. "This is the biggest fashion line she has had in a while."

Marinette groaned. "I don't know how you are so calm all the time."

Loane giggled. She was like how someone would imagine a Parisian angel, someone so calm and collected that most of the people didn't think it was possible to exist. She was the only person alive capable of managing the rampage bitch that was Marion. And also, the only reason why people could stand working with Marion. Marinette couldn't believe that Loane had never been akumatized. Even she, _Ladybug_ , had being akumatized once.

Marinette shook her head, trying to get rid of the bad memories filtering into her mind. She had enough in her head to be thinking about something that happened a year ago.

"What am I going to help with?" Marinette asked while they were being driven to the place where the photo shoot was going to take place.

Marion was sitting in front of her, just looking outside the mirror. "Just try to not break anything," she said coyly. "Or you'll get fired. I don't want anyone ruining anything today. Am I clear?"

"Yes, Mademoiselle," Marinette replied, trying to hide her annoyance.

"I'll be with you, don't worry," Loane reassured her. "I'll tell you what to do."

"Thanks," Marinette whispered.

"You're welcome," Loane smiled.

"Don't be too easy on her," Marion groaned. "She needs to understand how difficult this world is if she wants to study in ESMOD."

"I think she understands well," Loane countered. "Marinette deserves that recommendation letter."

Marion let out a humph. "I'll think about it."

"Really?" Marinette exclaimed. Finally, she was seeing an end to her torture. If she could get that letter, Marinette could finally apply to ESMOD again and be free of Marion.

"Only if you don't mess up anything today."

"I won't," Marinette told her firmly.

"We'll see about that," Marion tapped her perfect nails on the screen of her phone, making a sound that made Marinette nervous. "This is your last trial, don't waste it."

Marinette nodded. Even if her body hurt, she could feel how her body was filling up with energy. Today was going to be a good day. If everything went well, she could see Alya and Adrien _and_ get a recommendation letter! After so long, Marinette felt that all her effort was going to be paid off. But maybe, she shouldn't have felt so relieved because the moment that Marinette stepped out of the car, a strong feeling that something bad was going to happen overcame her. Her happiness only lasted for a moment, shocking her more than it would've done if Marinette remained down to earth.

"Marinette," Loane called her. "You're spacing off."

"Sorry," Marinette mumbled as she clumsily followed Loane around the place.

The pain in her body intensified with every step she took. And when she stepped inside the Trocadero, her body felt numb. She tried to remind herself that everything was alright, that nothing bad actually happened the night before. But she was trembling with fear, her body reminding her of what _could_ have happened if it weren't for Chat Noir.

Her heart was pounding so hard that she was everything else was deafened by it.

At least, until she felt a hand on her shoulder that made her almost freak out before Adrien's face appeared in her sight. "Marinette?"

Marinette swallowed her panic and smiled at him. "Oh, hi."

"What are you doing here?" he asked, furrowing his eyebrows.

At first, the way he asked had sounded a bit rude coming from the always-polite Adrien. Like he was annoyed that she was there too. But Marinette didn't have time to feel rejected because she understood his reason. Just like her, the first thing that came to her mind when she arrived at the Trocadero, was what happened just the night before. Chat was the only one that knew, and it was only natural that he was worried about her mental well-being if Marinette was forced to come back the next day to the place where it happened.

"I'm working for Marion," Marinette explained.

Something seemed to click in Adrien's brain. "Sorry! I didn't mean it that way, I was just surprising to see you here today. I thought—"

"You thought what?" Marinette interrupted him, cutting his sentence before he could expose himself to her.

"I—," Adrien muttered and went silent. It was really obvious to Marinette how Adrien was trying to find something to say to cover his slip up. "I—uh, I…,"

When his panic was showing in his face, Marinette helped him. "You thought I was already studying?"

"Yes!" Adrien exclaimed, and then cleared his throat, trying to nonchalantly go along with the lie Marinette offered him. "I mean, yes. I thought you were in college. Why are you working for Marion? It was quite the surprise."

Marinette smiled slightly, knowing that he was trying to act as he knew nothing. Just the day before she had told him her reasons, but Adrien was supposed to not know about her life. If she didn't know his identity, Marinette would've probably thought that he didn't like having her around the photoshoot. But knowing he was Chat about made it all easier, he was now an open book to her. For someone who has had a secret identity for so long, Adrien was a really bad liar.

"I'm hoping for a recommendation letter," Marinette said. "Marion was the only one with a vacancy."

"I can guess why," Adrien commented.

"Well," Marinette started saying in a soft voice and paused to look around herself. No Marion or Loane nearby. "Her reputation is quite something. She's a living hell."

"I know," Adrien agreed, laughing. "You should've told me."

"Told you what?" Marinette questioned.

"You know," he mumbled, a bit ashamed. "About the recommendation letter. I could've asked my father. He knows you and recognizes how good you're. I don't think he would've refused."

"Oh," Marinette exclaimed sadly. Off course she didn't forget about that advantage she had, but back then it wasn't even a possibility. Marinette was always afraid to talk to Adrien and she didn't want to selfishly rely on a friend she didn't even talk to a lot. Just thinking about asking him made her feel that she was using him.

Just as she was about to open her mouth again to say something else, Loane called her. Marinette looked at Adrien and then at Loane, not knowing what to do. It was a bit rude of her to just go away when she hadn't answered his question. One she didn't want to answer.

"Go, they need you," Adrien said.

"Sorry," Marinette smiled, and started to walk towards Loane. "We'll talk later, ok?"

"Wait," Adrien stopped her, and Marinette gazed back at him quizzically. "If you need help or something, you can tell me. Or if you feel bad, I'll go with you to the hospital."

Marinette giggled, loving how caring was Adrien. He was trying to not be too forward about it, but he still wanted her to know that he knew something was wrong and he was there for her to help. No matter if it was Chat or Adrien, they both took care of her all the time.

"I'll keep that in mind," she assured him.

"Don't forget!"

"I won't, thanks," she said as happily as possible to make him less worried.

Before turning her back at him, Marinette saw how relieved Adrien seemed.

The next few hours were absolute torture, but Marinette remained positive. With Adrien around casually giving her gorgeous smiles and making her feel safe in that place, Marinette didn't have much to worry about. The pain in her body made her movement a bit slower, but after taking a pill for the pain, she could almost ignore it completely. And she was happy because after this week-long photoshoot, she was finally going to be free from Marion and the hell she had put her through. Knowing that her suffering had an ending made it a lot more tolerable.

 _Just a bit more_ , she reminded herself every time that Marion shouted at her over nothing or started bitching about every little detail.

The photoshoot felt like a living hell. Marion was behaving like she always did, models were usually mean and liked to throw things to make her life a bit more miserable, and Marinette didn't even have a moment to sit until it was 11 o'clock and Loane dragged her away from Marion to get some deserved brunch. The moment that they arrived at the food table, Marinette's mouth felt dry and her stomach complained.

Usually, workers weren't allowed to eat from the food table, since it was full of the model's favorites food as requested. But the food was intact, and one of the assistants invited everyone to some coffee and food that someone sent them anonymously.

At first no one touched the food, but Marinette wasn't one to refuse food when she was hungry. If Loane was telling her that it was alright to eat from it, Marinette wasn't going to shove away free food.

When Marinette finally sat, she felt how the pain die down. She sighed out of happiness and started eating.

"Marion needs to chill out a bit," Marinette complained. "She hasn't given me a moment to breathe."

"I don't think she's going to calm down," Loane commented when they were having breakfast.

"Well, when has she ever calmed down?" Marinette groaned.

"She wasn't always like this," Loane said after biting her sandwich. "She used to be nice and understanding. I think it was the time before her sales skyrocketed out of nowhere and she suddenly became an elite designer."

"I can't imagine a nice Marion," Marinette sighed. "Would've been a lot better if I had worked for her at that time."

"She wasn't recognized at that time, she didn't have money for more employees. I started working for her because no one else hired me and my family was bankrupt. Marion was young and carefree, nothing like she is right now," Loane narrated, and Marinette paid close attention. "That was around 20 years ago, I think? Marion got a divorce just around the time that she became famous, so it was all a mess. After that, she became how she is now."

"Sounds like she is your savior," Marinette said.

"She kind of is," Loane admitted with a soft smile. "Maybe that's why I stick to her even if she's hard to deal."

"You're just too…," Marinette made a pause, searching the correct words in her mind, " _understanding_. I wouldn't be able to do your job."

"You're underestimating yourself," Loane said and swallowed the rest of her sandwich. "You're as patient as me."

"I'm not," Marinette protested. She really wasn't, although she wanted to be. "Sometimes I just want to smack her in the face because of how mean she is."

"I do too," Loane admitted, laughing at Marinette's pout. "But you don't, that's why you're just as patient as me. And you're understanding and have a big heart. I've noticed how you always try to console people after they've been slayed by Marion."

Marinette blushed and concentrated hard on keeping her gaze on her coffee. She didn't think that what she did was special at all, she just thought that it was a natural reaction to comfort people when they were feeling bad. Especially when she was Ladybug, someone that took care of Paris and knew how akumas were created.

"You remind me a lot of Ladybug."

Marinette almost choked. "What?"

"You're as charming as her. You have that aura of friendliness and power that she has, like she knows what she's doing," Loane said, looking at the sky. "Plus, you like helping people. You have it engraved in your body, you don't force yourself to do it. You just do it."

There was a short silence that came after her words, in which Marinette wasn't able to mutter a word. It was the first time that someone told her that she resembled her superhero persona, and it was… amazing. She felt light and happy, like someone lifting a curse from her. It was so weird how relieved she felt when she was supposed to be paranoid about being discovered. But somehow, Marinette understood how much she has wanted to hear those words since the beginning. She didn't want people to tell her how impossible it was for her to be Ladybug. She wanted someone to recognize her.

"Too bad she isn't around as much as before," Loane commented.

"Were you a fan of Ladybug?" Marinette questioned, finally having something to say.

"I am!" Loane exclaimed.

Everyone else around them looked at Loane and laughed. Just like that, people surrounded them. They were all workers of the photoshoot who were having breakfast at the little table that they disposed to have food for everyone who wanted something to eat. It was usually for designers and models, but they usually didn't eat much, so the staff was rewarded with free food during the week that the photoshoot was going to last.

"I am too!" One of the makeup artists exclaimed. "I am so inspired by her. She's beautiful, brave and so stylish."

"It's unfortunate we can't know how she dresses in her civilian life," someone else commented, sitting right besides Marinette.

"Does she really have a civilian life?" A girl asked, and everyone gazed at her. "I mean, it's so weird someone like her has a normal life like one of us. Maybe she's even someone who has to suffer with a bad boss."

"I think she's young enough to be in college," Loane said. "She doesn't look that old."

"But no one knows for sure!" The girl countered.

"She probably is a successful person," someone commented. "Maybe she studies at a really good university. Or she has her own big company. But she looks like someone who is going to achieve everything in life."

Marinette suddenly felt all her motivation go away. That's how people saw her, someone so amazing that she needed to be _perfect_. But she wasn't, but they were expecting her to be. And it was suffocating.

Her mind was racing with thoughts of how to get away from that place. Marinette didn't want to hear people having such high expectation. "Maybe she's just someone normal," she blurted out of nowhere.

They all looked at her weirdly and Marinette shrank at their intense judgement.

"I think she's probably a model," someone said, and the high intensity moment ended for Marinette. But she felt judged and nauseous, knowing that people couldn't think that she was as normal as everyone else.

Marinette wanted to cry and apologize for being _herself_.

"Yeah, she's beautiful."

"Maybe that's why she's not around as much as before. She must be busy all the time."

"How would she look without the suit?"

"I can't really imagine. But she has a good healthy body, I guess she's thin and petite."

"Should we try to draw how we think that she looks like without the suit?"

"Yes!"

Marinette was breathing fast, panic starting to arise from inside her. She couldn't even distinguish who was talking.

"Hey, don't you think that's cheating?" A new voice said. Marinette turned around, seeing how Alya was approaching the circle of people with Adrien by his side. She was smirking but her twitching eye indicated that the conversation annoyed her. Adrien was by her side, still with the last outfit he used for the photoshoot but frowning.

"You're glorifying Ladybug," Adrien said. "She's brave and beautiful, but she's as human as any of us."

Everyone went silent, looking directly at Adrien Agreste being mad at them. They all knew how polite and nice he was, so him raising his voice and frowning was a very weird occurrence.

"Do you perhaps like Ladybug?" The makeup artist asked with a smirk.

Adrien blushed. "I do."

"I didn't expect you to be a fanboy of Ladybug," she laughed, and everyone else did too, except Marinette.

Her heart ached. She was the only one that knew that his words meant much more than just a fanboy love. He meant it, Adrien did like Ladybug romantically and had suffered many rejections. Marinette just didn't know that he was still in love with Ladybug, considering how had their relationship had degraded since she found out his identity.

"He's quite the lover boy," Alya commented, laughing. "He has big posters of Ladybug."

"Alya," Adrien moaned, mortified.

"Alya?" Loane exclaimed. "From the Ladyblog?"

"That's me," Alya confirmed proudly.

The chat continued, but Marinette stopped listening. She wanted to greet her best friend and talk with her to forget about how bad she felt moments before, but she knew how busy she was. That was the big opening that Alya needed to get some information out of the people working for the biggest photoshoot of the year. Alya was good at her job, and Marinette didn't want to ruin her opportunity to get what she wanted before everyone else.

Marinette stood up and nodded at Loane when she noticed her leaving.

It was almost too impressive how fast her emotions changed during a short amount of time because of a casual chit chat with her coworker. And _Adrien_. He was defending her publicly. She didn't know how to feel about it.

It was certain that Adrien was still in love with Ladybug. But not with _her_ , just with the idea of Ladybug.

She almost tripped with the trailer's stair but managed to balance herself. She needed to stop thinking so much and do her job.

"Marinette!" Adrien called her just as she was about to enter Marion's trailer.

He came running at her, catching her at the door of the trailer. Adrien smiled.

"Adrien," Marinette said. "How's work? Too much?"

"Not at all," he shook his head. "This is the first time I get so much free time. Maybe because there are so many models today."

"Yeah, but not everyone is as nice as you," Marinette complained.

"I know," Adrien agreed shyly. "I've seen how they treat you. I'm sorry I can't do much."

"Don't worry," Marinette shook her hand in the air. "I know how they are. It's better if you don't do anything."

"That's unfair."

"What is?" Marinette questioned.

"Your situation!" Adrien said, raising his voice. "You should be studying at the best university, doing what you like. Not being treated like this by people that don't deserve you. Marion doesn't deserve such a good intern if she's going to treat you like that."

"Wait—,"

"Marinette!" Marion shouted from inside the trailer.

Both Marinette and Adrien froze. Marinette felt the door opening, and the presence of two people standing angrily behind her. And by the expression of Adrien, it was easy to know what was happening.

Marinette turned around carefully, slowly noticing that Marion was accompanied by the top female model of the photoshoot.

"Adrien, I was expecting you," Marion commented in a calm voice. "It's your turn, get ready."

"Yes, Mademoiselle," Adrien said politely.

"And for you, Marinette," Marion hissed, making her shiver. "You were supposed to be here fifteen minutes ago. What were you doing this whole time? Do you think you're important enough to make me wait for you?"

"I didn't—,"

"Just do your job," Marion hushed her. "I need you to bring the clothes that they're using to their camerinos. Go inside, pick them and don't you _dare_ ruin those clothes. We don't have any spare for those. Do you understand?"

Marinette nodded, her face looking down. "Yes, I understand."

"I can help her," Adrien offered. Marinette quickly glared incredulously at him. "We're heading to the same direction anyways. It's faster if I help."

"Oh, Adri, I needed to talk to you," the model talked for the first time. Marinette didn't really remember her name. She cared about clothes and fashion designers, not the models. Besides Adrien, but he was a different case for her. "Privately. You know, about the things we need to do for the photoshoot."

Adrien raised her eyebrows, not trusting her intentions. "We already have the plan, let's just stick to it."

"Marion said she wanted to portrait us as a couple," she said.

"It appeals more to the audience," Marion confirmed.

"But we already talked about this. My father established that there would be no romance on camera," Adrien complained, taking a firm stand.

"C'mon!" the model exclaimed, clinging to his arm. Adrien shifted uncomfortably. "It's Paris, the city of love! And this is the Trocadero, people love it here. What else do you relate it to?"

It was a rhetorical question, but Adrien glared at Marinette shortly and averted his eyes. Marinette felt confused for a brief moment before realizing that he was remembering last night. Just like her, Adrien couldn't think about that place as a somewhere nice and romantic anymore. He probably felt as bothered as her about coming here shortly after. And he had been worrying about her physical and mental wellbeing this whole time.

Marinette swallowed hard to get rid of the hard lump in her throat and anxiousness. "It's true this is one of the most romantic places in Paris," she forced herself to say.

"See? Even a foreigner thinks so too!"

"I was born here too," Marinette commented, even though she was completely ignored.

Adrien was glaring at her like he was trying to unravel her thoughts. But he wasn't saying anything, probably because he was aware that he couldn't do or say anything without exposing his identity. Adrien knew that she was forcing herself to say something she didn't want to but didn't know why. Marinette didn't look back at him, not wanting him to know that she wasn't alright like she pretending to be. She just wanted him to relax and forget about her, it was unfair that he was worrying all the time without being able to ask her directly how she was feeling.

"That's still not on the terms," Adrien finally said, trying to pry her off his arm.

"Your father already agreed!"

"When did that happen?" Adrien questioned.

"When you were unnecessarily wasting time with that part-time worker."

"I'm not—," Marinette started saying.

"Why are you still here?" Marion interrupter her, her arms crossed and looking at her with disgust and superiority. "I clearly ordered you to do something."

Marinette tensed. "I'm sorry, I'll go do that now."

"I'll go with you," Adrien said, finally free from the clingy model.

"You stay here with me," Marion said, blocking his way when he was about to enter the trailer after Marinette. "We have to talk about those terms."

Adrien gazed a Marinette for a few seconds that felt like an eternity. Marinette shook her head and smiled at him, silently confirming him that it was alright to leave her alone. After that, Adrien finally sighed. "Ok."

Marinette turned his back at him to continue her path and closed the door.

…

Marinette thought that she only needed to transport a few clothes, but after noticing the big boxes full of clothes, she understood that it wasn't going to be that easy. Even after ten trips going back and forth between the set and the trailer, Marinette still wasn't done with the clothes, specially because Marion didn't let her transport the boxes, so she needed to unpack every piece of clothing and carefully walk to the set.

Some of the set workers offered their help, but either Marion ordered them to do something else or some other model complained about something, so they had to run and attend to them.

Being a worker in that place wasn't easy. In the entertainment and fashion industry people were usually mean with part-time workers and overworked them. Every little mistake could mean a thousand-dollar debt or a long life of suffering under mean bosses that treated everyone like garbage.

Being in that situation, Marinette promised herself that she would never be mean to any worker in the future, no matter what their job was on the set.

Her thoughts were interrupted when she felt her phone vibrating. Knowing that ignoring a text or call from Marion was the worst thing she could do at the moment, Marinette stopped walking and shifted the weight of the clothes to avoid ruining them and took out her phone. It was Alya, instead of Marion.

Marinette really needed to put a different ringtone for Marion.

Alya: _Hey girl! Where are you?_

Marinette: _At the third set_

 _You?_

 _Are you free?_

Alya: _Yeah, I already finished_

 _You need some help?_

Marinette: _I'd appreciate it_

 _Marion got into bitch mode_

Alya: _When isn't she in bitch mode?_

 _I'll go there, wait for me_

Marinette: _Hahaha true_

 _Thanks, you're the best!_

Marinette put back her phone and shifted uncomfortably because of the clothes she was carrying. It was a bad decision to move that way, because her knee suddenly started to ache uncontrollably. Marinette didn't know if ignoring it was the best option or to finally stop being stubborn and ask for some help. After not thinking it much, Marinette decided to continue ignoring it.

Second bad decision. She groaned out of pain when she took a step and almost dropped the clothes. At least, Marinette was able to control her reaction and grabbed the clothes firmly.

She could wait for Alya to arrive and tell her what was going on with her body. Not the best option for Marinette, but at least that way she could safely arrive to the set with the clothes intact, rest for a few minutes, and continue her work.

"Oh, hey," someone called her. Marinette didn't recognize the voice but noticed that the one who called her was a minor model. "I think you dropped something."

Marinette felt confused, looking at where she was standing. Even if she almost dropped the clothes, she was sure that none actually fell. She would have noticed.

"I don't see anything…?"

"Really?" she said, innocently coming closer. "It's here, on the floor."

Marinette furrowed her eyebrows, feeling the need to start being cautious around her.

"Can you… uh, help me pick it up?" Marinette asked carefully, knowing that models could be a bit sensitive.

"Sure!"

Maybe Marinette was overreacting and didn't need to be so cautious of everyone. Adrien was also a model and he was the politest person she knew, so no all models needed to be blatant assholes. If that model was actually willing to help her so willingly, Marinette could even tell her that she was having trouble moving.

"I think it's broken," the model commented.

Marinette felt her heart rapidly throbbing. "Really? Can I see? I hope it's not," she said, trying to look down without success because of the big pile of clothing in the way.

There was no answer, and Marinette bit her lip. "Is everything ok?"

Marinette shifted her sight to her side, noticing how another model was passing by. To her surprise, she laughed and ignored them.

Before she could understand what was happening, Marinette felt someone shoving her aside, making her lose her balance. She tried to save the clothes, but it was too much for her with her injuries. Someone laughed, and Marinette landed with her knees on a wet floor.

"What—?" she managed to say before she felt the intense pain coming from her legs.

"Are you stupid?" the model laughed. "How could you ruin the clothes?"

Marinette didn't understand what was going on, but when she slowly noticed the clothes all over the floor with mud, she understood how badly she screwed up. Her mouth felt dry, and even though she was empty from the night before, Marinette wanted to cry. Because it hurt so much, because she had ruined her only chance to enter the university she wanted so badly. It was all gone, and she was left with pain and bruises.

"You're so weak, you know?" the model said, still laughing.

Someone else arrived, but Marinette couldn't look up.

Not because of she was sad. Marinette was about to _explode_.

"You did this," Marinette muttered.

"Did what? You're just clumsy."

Even if she was in pain, Marinette hold back her tears and looked directly at the model. "Do you think you can do whatever you want?" Marinette seethed, her voice fierce. "You're pathetic, just looking for attention. You think I didn't notice how you did this only to be accepted? Because you're just some minor model that no one knows about. Probably someone has been saying shit about me around the models and you just wanted to play me a prank to get attention."

The model bit her lip and took a step back, suddenly surrounded with two other models that guarded her at her sides.

"Just accept that it was your fault," she said.

"Ok," Marinette agreed. "I accept that it was a mistake to not ignore you, I should've done that. Anyways, you're not even important enough for me to pay attention to you."

Just when Marinette stopped talking, a cold liquid was thrown over her that made her twitch. It was sticky, and it smelled like coffee, but it wasn't enough to cool down her anger.

"Marinette!" Alya shouted from behind her.

Out of reaction, Marinette quickly searched for her friend, noticing how she was running in her direction. But as she moved her head, she noticed with the corner of her eyes how a purple shine passed by her side. Marinette returned her gaze to the other side but noticed nothing aside from the models blocking her sight.

"Hey, what's going on?" someone shouted, and Marinette recognized the voice as Adrien.

Both of her friends arrived at the same time, guarding her like the other models were guarding her aggressor.

Alya was usually the first one to jump to action, but this time Alya kneeled beside her and tried to help her up just to get a negative from her. "I don't think I can," Marinette shamefully admitted.

She couldn't pay attention to what Adrien was saying to the models, even though she desperately wanted to hear about it to be able to intervene. But Alya was looking at her too intensively, and Marinette was too focused on thinking what excuse she could have to stop Alya from breaking havoc. Too many emotions at the same time were confusing her.

"What happened?" she asked her.

"Uh," Marinette mumbled. "She just hates me. Or every model here, so it seems."

"That is not specific at all."

How could she explain what happened? It seemed foolish and not enough for her to be in such pain. She needed to fill her in about everything that happened since the day before, and that was definitely something that she didn't wanted to do in front of the many people that were slowly surrounding the scene. Marinette tried to say something but was unable to. And when she tried to speak up again, a purple-black butterfly caught her attention.

"What is it?" Alya asked, confused about her friend's behavior.

"It's coming for me," Marinette realized.

"Coming for—?" Alya started saying but stopped when the black butterfly landed on Marinette's head.

Everyone that had gathered around them started running away from her, except for Adrien and Alya, who were looking at her frightened.

Marinette expected to feel Hawkmoth's voice inside her head, but nothing happened. "What happened?" Marinette asked without moving an inch.

"It just… stopped," Adrien said. "It seems like it's doubting?"

"I've never seen this before," Alya commented, her voice too quiet.

Marinette felt how something moved on top of her and suddenly Alya was gasped. That was the last thing Marinette could hear before an intense headache made her mind go blank. She yelled, or at least, she was sure that she was yelling. She couldn't hear anything outside her head and the pain was so intense that Marinette wanted to it to end with any possible way.

"It seems you're an interesting one," Marinette heard inside her mind. It was low and soothing, making her feel more comfortable and in less pain. "Hello, my—"

"Get out of my head!" Marinette shouted, barely hearing herself.

The pain intensified, and she heard a laugh resonating in her head. "Don't you want the power to do what you want? To be respected? I know you and I understand you, my child. And I can give you the power you deserve."

Didn't she really want that?

Why wasn't she enough as Marinette? What was wrong with not being perfect?

She just wanted it all to end.

"Surrender, my child," Hawkmoth said, his words tempting. And Marinette felt herself falling for his trap. "You'll be what you want to be, you'll be powerful and perfect, no one will be able to tell you what you can or can't do. I just need a little favor in return."

He was right, Hawkmoth could give her the power she wanted. No more Marion's bossing her around, no more models looking down on her, and no more people making her feel wrong about being herself. Why did everyone expected her to be perfect? To be as confident and stunning as Ladybug? She was human like everyone else. With his power, she could be freed from this pain of being herself.

She could be enough as Marinette.

Perfect.

Powerful.

 _Do I really want that?_

"No," Marinette said firmly.

A high-pitched sound deafened her.

"You can't do this!"

Marinette felt the taste of iron in her mouth. "I don't need you."

"This is impossible, you can't just—"

"I don't need you," Marinette repeated.

"You do!" Hawkmoth's voice felt distant. "You need me. Someday you'll realize that the only way to achieve what you want is to give up in yourself," he groaned painfully, though it sounded like a threat.

"I don't need you," Marinette repeated once more, her voice faint. "I don't want this, this is not how I expect to achieve my dreams."

With a last distant voice, Hawkmoth laugh disappeared from her head. "You'll see I'm right, and that day you're going to be my trump card."

Marinette opened her eyes and gasped for air, feeling her lungs burn and her eyes wet. She gazed down where she had been grappling the ruined fabric, noticing how her knuckles were white. Slowly, her senses were coming back to her. The pain was still there, but it wasn't as deadly as the headache she had just experienced.

"Are you ok?" Adrien asked carefully, rubbing her arm.

"That was amazing, girl!" Alya shouted and threw herself at Marinette, wrapping her in a tight hug.

Her head was still spinning a bit, but Marinette noticed a black butterfly fluttering into the sky. No one was paying attention to it, even when two superheroes were right there that could use that butterfly to track down Hawkmoth. Marinette wanted to say something but was unable to speak a word.

"Did I just… negate Hawkmoth?" Marinette said breathlessly.

"You did," Adrien confirmed. "And it was, uh, there's no way to describe it. I've never seen someone negate Hawkmoth."

"How did it feel like?" Alya asked straightforward.

Marinette was breathing hard, feeling out of breath after such an experience. "It's hard to describe."

"What did he tell you?" Alya pressed.

Adrien put a hand on Alya's shoulder, silently telling her to stop.

What could she say? Marinette didn't want them to know. It felt too real.

"I don't remember," Marinette lied and closed her eyes. Her head was spinning, and she still felt a remnant of the headache she felt when Hawkmoth was trying to possess her.

"Well, that's to be expected," Alya reasoned. "No one remembers, not even his voice. I just thought that maybe you'd be able to, since you didn't actually get possessed."

"That was amazing, Marinette," Adrien told her, kneeling besides her. "It must have been painful, but you were strong. I'm proud of you."

Strong? Marinette didn't feel strong. Her limbs were shaking nonstop and she wanted to cry, but she wasn't going to. Hawkmoth's words were stuck in her mind, making her feel weak. She had wanted to accept his offer, to be able to do what he was telling her _she_ deserved. But she didn't, and she wasn't really sure why she did.

It could've been so easy.

"Marinette," Marion called her name. The three of them looked at her, who was standing a few meters away from them with a quiet and enigmatic Gabriel Agreste by her side. "What happened here?" she demanded to know.

"I—," Marinette started but stopped herself. Everything around her was a mess. She and the clothes were soaked with coffee and mud, laying in the floor like some kind of garbage. It took her too much time to realize that she had messed up big time. "I have nothing to say," she finally said.

"Well," Marion nodded. Marinette could tell by her expression how mad she was. "You know what's going to happen."

 _Fired_. On her last week.

Marinette looked down, accepting her fate. "Yes, Mademoiselle."

"But it was not her fault!" Adrien exclaimed, suddenly standing up to face Marion.

"Son," Gabriel intervened before Marion said anything. "Don't meddle. This is not your problem."

"She's _injured_!" Adrien continued, ignoring his father remark. Even if Marinette felt honored to be protected by Adrien, she wanted him to stop. It was all over, there was no use in fighting against an angry Marion. "It's not fair and I'm going to accept that."

"Is that true, Marinette?" Gabriel asked, looking directly at her.

Marinette was surprised that her designer idol knew her name so well. "Yes, Sir. My knee is badly hurt."

"It is?" Alya whispered in disbelief.

"Adrien, take her to the hospital," Gabriel commanded and waved his hand in the air before turning around to start his way back to his office. "You can take the rest of the day off, but I expect you here tomorrow morning."

"Thank you, father," Adrien sighed in relief. Both Adrien and Alya helped her stand up, each one by her side to be her support to walk. "Let's go, Marinette."

Marinette nodded, not knowing what to say. She still felt a bit out of place after what happened, and it was difficult to process the amount of things that happened in less than a day.

"You're still fired," Marion said when they were walking to the exit. "Don't ever come back."

Just like that, Marion left with her chin up, not even looking at Marinette once more.

"That bitch," Alya commented.

Marinette would have agreed to it, but she didn't mind at the moment. Without any reason, Marinette's head start to spin again with different thoughts. Marion was the least of her problems. And many things didn't add quite well.

Like Hawkmoth.

 _Why did he said I'm going to be his trump card?_

…

"What happened to you?" Tikki gasped the moment she saw her.

Marinette closed the door of Master Fu's house, moving with difficulty on crutches. Tikki was fluttering all around her, checking her wounds and making sure nothing was wrong. If the little Kwami had been big enough, Marinette was sure that she would help her walk until her wound got better. Marinette could even see how desperate was Tikki to help her feel better.

Adrien and Alya almost didn't let her go after going to the hospital. Apparently, her knee had been badly injured and now many other bruises were starting to show on her body, so Alya had freaked out about it more. She had a three-day leave, but Marinette just tossed it into her purse out of respect, since now she didn't need it. She was jobless and without anything to do until she decided what to do with her life from now on. Adrien's bodyguard left her in her house and Alya made her promise to not move until her knee got better. Marinette couldn't keep that promise, but at least she was conscious enough of her injury to use crutches. So, right after Adrien's car disappeared from her sight, Marinette decided it was time to go to Master Fu's house.

"It was just some street guys that ganged up against me," Marinette said, trying to reassure her by telling the half-truth and purposely leaving out the little incident with the models. Her Kwami hugged her cheek and Marinette laughed. "I've missed you too, Tikki."

"It seems like you had a rough week," she lamented as she followed Marinette around the house. "I'm sorry I wasn't there with you. I could've done something."

"Don't worry about it," Marinette said. "We couldn't have risked showing my identity to someone I don't even know. Plus, Chat rescued me."

"Chat?" Tikki questioned.

"Yes," Marinette nodded. "He saved me and took care of me after it happened."

Tikki seemed lost in thought. "Since when are you friends with Chat as Marinette?"

"I'm not," Marinette said. "I haven't seen him much as Marinette since we graduated. But I suppose Adrien still remembers his classmate, so it's not that weird."

"Wouldn't he notice that it's weird?"

"Maybe? I don't know."

Tikki giggled. "You don't mind?"

"Why would I?" Marinette questioned, confused as to why Tikki was laughing out of nowhere.

"You're always so paranoid about giving clues about your identity," Tikki explained. "This is so unlike you. I thought you would never let Chat Noir near you again as Marinette."

Marinette frowned. "It was a special situation," she tried to defend herself, although she couldn't deny what Tikki said. During the remaining days of school, Marinette became a complete paranoid every time Chat saw her without the suit. As Ladybug, she tried to remain the same and forget his identity, just like it always was. At first it was hard for her to restrain her mind from going back to all her worries, but in the end, she managed to get used to it. However, her civilian life was filled with desperately trying to not resemble Ladybug.

A year later, she admitted to Tikki that her obsession went out of control when she even considered dyeing her hair just because Alya was catching on Marinette's hair resembling Ladybug's hair too much. Tikki told her that it would've been worse, given that Ladybug would've changed hair color at the same time as Marinette. The suit couldn't change her body, it was just an armor. After that, Marinette did acknowledge that she was hitting rock bottom with that obsession and stopped being so paranoid about everything.

Anyways, Marinette didn't like being reminded of that.

"You're early today," Master Fu said, appearing right beside her.

Marinette used to get startled every time Master Fu appeared out of nowhere, but she had gotten so used to it that each time she entered his house, Marinette expected him to do that rather than greet her like a normal person.

"I was fired," Marinette announced with a sigh.

"Why?" Tikki questioned as they were all seated at the little table where they always had their meetings.

It was hard to sit on the floor with her knee all bandaged up, but she carefully managed to do it without making Tikki worry more than she already was. "Marion got mad at me for ruining an important fabric," Marinette explained. "I tripped because of my injured knee. I went to the hospital with Adrien and Alya, but Marion still fired me. So, almost one year wasted trying to get that recommendation letter!"

"Oh, Marinette," Tikki tried to comfort her. "I'm so sorry."

"Bad things usually happen because they need to happen," Master Fu said, stopping his tea right in front of his lips. "Something better is waiting for you."

"You've been telling me that since I graduated," Marinette groaned. "I don't understand all your mystical talk. _Nothing_ good has happened to me since that time!"

"You need to be patient."

"I'm tired of waiting," Marinette laid her head on the table, wanting to hide her teary eyes. "Where did Ladybug's luck go?"

"You still have it," Master Fu giggled. "You just don't notice."

Marinette wanted to yell at him and throw a tantrum like a child, but she couldn't find it in herself to do it. Master Fu wasn't at fault—no one was. She felt bad for complaining all the time when she had all she could wish for. Her family was loving and supporting, she had good friends, and money wasn't something she needed to be worried about. But it wasn't enough, she was greedy and always wanted more. To be in the best fashion college, to have the perfect love story, to be loved by everyone. Ladybug's luck had spoiled her to the point where Marinette needed everything to be perfect.

Master Fu was right. Marinette still had Ladybug's luck, she just denied it at every little situation where she couldn't get what she wanted.

"I'm sorry," Marinette sighed, feeling more at ease. She cleared her throat and faced them both. "Anyways, I don't know what's the right thing to do now that I'm free."

"You want to be Ladybug again?" Tikki asked.

"I don't think we should rush a decision," Marinette said. It was hard to get the words out of her mouth, but she remained rational. She wanted to be Ladybug so bad, but she knew it wasn't the best choice at the moment. "I still don't know what I'm going to do. I don't want to take Alya and Nino's miraculous and then give them back to them just because I found something else to do. It's not fair."

"Very well," Master Fu smiled slightly. "That's a wise decision."

"But how are you going to cleanse the akuma when you're injured?" Tikki intervened. "You can't transform this way."

"It should be alright," Marinette reassured her. "I still can move. I just shouldn't do it much."

"Are you sure?" Tikki looked worried at her knee. "I can help you recover for a bit, but it's no good for you to move."

"It's ok, don't worry," Marinette giggled. "I'll be alright."

"They're here," Master Fu announced.

Marinette looked up at the ceiling and heard the low taps of feet walking over it. Tikki and Marinette shared the same emotion. They only gazed at each other before Marinette yelled happily. "Tikki, spots on!"

When the light vanished, Ladybug was standing on her place. Marinette felt relieved to have the tight suit embracing her. It brought her confidence on herself and the energy to run around the whole city. Being Ladybug was like getting back almost all of her youth's energy.

A year ago, when she started working under Marion's guidance, her time was cut short so abruptly that Paris was almost put in danger many times because she couldn't transform to help Chat Noir and cleanse the akuma. It was a hard time for Chat Noir since he was left alone almost every day. And after talking it out with Master Fu, Marinette decided to give back her miraculous while she didn't use it so the fox and turtle's miraculous could be outside at any time of the day.

During the day, Ladybug's miraculous was safe with Master Fu. That made her unable to appear even if she did escape Marion's grasp, so they had to plan how to keep the akumas locked away until she was able to transform. It was a risk, but until now they had managed to keep Paris out of trouble. And it also meant that Tikki stayed with Master Fu rather than Marinette, like they had gotten used to. Leaving her motherly companion was the most difficult decision Marinette had ever made, but they both agreed that it was for the sake of Paris.

"Good luck," Master Fu said before seeing how Ladybug disappeared through his window.

They always reunited atop Master Fu's roof, though they didn't know that it was his. Marinette always waited inside and when they arrived, she ran around for a bit before coming from another side. When they decided to meet every two days, Master Fu chose that their meeting point would be the one they wouldn't expect it to be. Giving out the exact location was the best way to protect Ladybug's miraculous if anything bad happened.

Ladybug landed carefully right in front of them and not even a second passed before the three of them came running at her. She tried to maintain a normal composure, the one Ladybug always had. Her knee was hurting, which made it difficult to stand straight without any help, but Tikki had managed to subdue her pain like a temporary anesthesia.

"How have you been?" Rena asked.

"Just as always," Ladybug shrugged. She couldn't say much about her hellish daily routine and her injury, so she always kept it short in order to not spill information that Alya could use to figure out her identity.

It wasn't quite fair that Ladybug knew Rena Rouge's identity, but after all Marinette was the one who picked her up to fulfill her duty. It was a big responsibility upon her that not even once she refused. The same was for Nino, who she also trusted her life to. After putting her life in danger and retiring from being Ladybug to protect Paris, Marinette didn't trust any other people to fight the akumas.

 _But how much do I trust them if they're the ones that don't know my identity?_ Ladybug sighed, and Rena looked at her confused.

"Are you ok? You seem out of it today," Rena questioned, narrowing her eyes.

Ladybug stiffed. It was the same thing Alya had said to Marinette that same day, and now Rena was getting suspiciously close to relating it to her. Ladybug could almost even hear how Rena's mind was buzzing with worry and recognition. Her best friend was worrying about her from both sides, and Ladybug could only panic about being found out.

 _Is it unfair?_

"Just a rough week," Ladybug said a bit too fast.

Rena gazed at her like she understood her reaction, making Ladybug feel cautious about her every move. But for her surprise, Rena just gave her a smile. "I know you don't want us to know your identity, but we're friends, so if you need to talk you know where I live," she said with a soft voice. "You can cover your head with a bag or something, I promise I won't peek. Just don't bottle it up all inside, ok?"

Ladybug wanted to hug her best friend and tell her who she was, but her feet were glued to the floor. She was incapable of reacting.

 _It is unfair._

"Thanks," she managed to blurt out. "I'll keep that in mind."

"Well, I hope you do," Rena said and turned around to face the other two superheroes that were chatting at the corner of the building. "I think it's time for you to do your job."

Ladybug nodded. "How many akumas?"

"Just two," Rena answered. "One for each day."

"It seems that Hawkmoth is very insistent lately."

"More like lazy," Rena commented. "They're too easy, no harm done to the city. It's a good thing we don't need to call you out every night."

Ladybug didn't know if she agreed or not.

When Marinette decided with Master Fu to let go of her miraculous, the idea of never being Ladybug again was too depressing. Paris needed Ladybug and her capacity to cleanse akumas and reverse all damage done to the city because of it. If Marinette couldn't be Ladybug, Paris was eventually going to be destroyed because of the daily attacks. At first, Marinette thought that Master Fu was going to choose another miraculous holder to replace her job but Tikki told her later that that it was impossible. Then they decided to meet with her comrades every two nights if the damage wasn't bad, or in the case that the akuma happened to destroy enough for it to be a problem, Master Fu called Marinette to show up that night to cleanse it.

It was a good thing Marinette could keep her life as Ladybug even if it was for short amounts of times. Still, Marinette sometimes craved so much being Ladybug that she hoped that Master Fu called her every night.

Carapace and Chat shut up the moment that Ladybug arrived. They both looked at her weirdly before standing up.

"What is it?" Ladybug inquired.

"Nothing," Carapace answered nervously.

"It sure is something," Rena punched Carapace slightly. "You're a really bad liar."

"You just have insane deductive abilities," Carapace moaned.

"Or you're just so obvious," Rena countered.

"Or both," Ladybug giggled, knowing that neither of them would stop if she didn't intervene. It was funny how Alya and Nino acted the same around each other even when they didn't know their identities. _Or how they used to act before breaking up_ , she remembered. "Is there something I should know?"

"No," Chat said, giving Ladybug a cold firm glare that made her back down.

The uncomfortable silence that followed was thicker than the air, and Ladybug could do nothing but stare blankly at Chat Noir. At least, until Rena tapped on the jar she was holding to get everyone's attention and break the moment.

"This first, that's why we're here," Rena said, holding the jar in front of her.

"Right," Carapace seconded after clearing his throat.

"Well, do your job," Chat said bitterly.

Ladybug nodded even though she heard his bitter tone of voice.

It wasn't much, but Ladybug still enjoyed cleansing akumas. It was a nice feeling, like butterflies fluttering in her skin. Cleansing reverted every damage an akuma could've caused, but the light also left a tingling sensation that soothed people. At least, that was what Tikki told her. It didn't just cleanse akumas but also helped people calm down after experiencing something traumatic like the destruction brought by the them.

When she finished, they all said their goodbyes. Their meetings were short but necessary, just work-related stuff.

She still missed those times when she could just hang out with Chat all over Paris when they had nothing to do. But those moments were all scarce now.

Just when she was about to jump in whichever direction she felt like going to distract them about her real destination, her eyes unconsciously caught Chat Noir standing at the edge of the building. But it wasn't the corner that lead to _his_ house. Out of sudden realization, Ladybug flinched and grabbed Chat's wrist just before he jumped.

Chat looked back at her, confused.

"Chat!" Ladybug exclaimed, trying to some more time to gain about what to say.

"Yes, my Lady?" Chat said, looking at her with his eyes slightly closed.

He was standing in the direction of her house. _Marinette's house_. Ladybug remembered his promise, the one she had thought that it was just Chat teasing her. She didn't know if she was being paranoid or it was just her intuition warning her. Either way, she wanted to stop him from going to her house before she did.

"Is everything alright?" Ladybug asked. The safe question when she didn't know what to ask.

"You noticed?" Chat said, surprised.

"It's not that difficult to notice," Ladybug lied. "So, what happened? Are you going somewhere?"

"A friend of mine got hurt because of me," Chat admitted, his eyes showing off his guilt. "I'm going to visit her."

 _So, I was right_ , she thought.

"Why do you think it's your fault?" Ladybug questioned, sitting beside him in the corner of the building. Chat didn't follow her action and took a step forward.

"It's hard to explain," he sighed. "But I feel in debt with her. I'm going to help her with everything I can until she gets better."

Ladybug almost laughed out loud. Not because it was funny, but because the situation felt so ironic. She was standing right there besides him just fine, her injury not even as bad as he thought, and none of it was his fault. And yet he was feeling guilty—the only reason why he would ever be interested in Marinette.

"You don't need to do it if it's just out of guilt. Don't do something so half-heartedly," Ladybug said, standing up again with her heart beating fast. Suddenly, she felt incredibly nervous being so close to Chat. "Well, good bye. See you next time!"

She swung her yo-yo and jumped, pretending to go somewhere else. But Ladybug landed just a few blocks away and turned back, noticing how Chat was still going in the direction of her house.

She cursed. Definitely, it was not her best day.

How was she going to explain to an angry Chat Noir why she left her house in the middle of the night _again_ with a knee-injury?


	4. Comfort

**Hi, I'm sorry for the long wait. Many many things you wouldn't care about has happened, and I couldn't upload this until now. I'm sorry this chapter isn't long enough after such a long time but I've actually been working on one of the last chapters of this story because it's a special chapter.** **It was going to be longer, but it's been months and I wanted to post it so I decided to leave it shorter.** **I hope I won't take too long writing the next one. Or at least, I hope I'll write it before continuing the chapters I won't post in a while.**

 **Should I post shorter chapters more frequently or the usual 7-10k words chapter but less frequently?**

 **I'm really sleepy and tired, so there's nothing else to say. I hope you'll like this chapter!**

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 **Warning: This chapter has not being beta-read and English is not my first language. So please understand if it's badly written or you don't understand something. If that happens, you can help me get better by telling me where the mistakes are. Thank you for understanding!**

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 **Chapter 4 : Comfort **

Marinette arrived at her house almost two hours after meeting the other miraculous holders. Master Fu's house wasn't that far away from her, but it was past midnight and Marinette wanted to chat a bit more with Tikki. So, after having a cup of tea and saying goodbye to her Kwami, Marinette finally called a taxi to go home. She admitted being a bit stubborn, but she wasn't stupid. Walking alone in the middle of the night using crutches wasn't the best idea someone could have after being attacked in the street just the night before.

Because she had took so long to arrive home, Marinette hadn't expected to see Chat Noir laying in her bed to peacefully.

"Hello, princess," she heard him saying with a combination of relief, anger and flirtation.

"What—," Marinette started saying but stopped. "I didn't expect this," she admitted.

"I told you I was coming," Chat replied.

Marinette knew she had screwed up. After seeing how he planned to go to her house, Marinette decided to ignore it. If she took a long time to go home, maybe he would think that she decided to stay in Alya's house that night and Chat would go home. It was a big miscalculation thinking that he wasn't bullheaded enough to wait for her to arrive.

"I thought you were kidding," she lied, knowing perfectly that he was coming that night. But that was something he didn't need to know.

"I keep my promises, princess," Chat proudly said, finally standing up from her bed.

Marinette dropped the crutches besides her trap door and tried to walk to her chair, but Chat intercepted her and helped her walk. It was nice to have someone helping so attentively, though Marinette felt like a disabled. Her injury wasn't even that bad for him react that way.

"I appreciate it, but you don't need to come," Marinette reassured him.

Talking was the best way to avoid his possible question.

Chat frowned and sat in the floor right in front of her chair. "What were you doing so late outside?" he asked, ignoring her comment. "You weren't walking alone in the night again, right?"

"I wasn't," she responded. "I'm not that careless."

"So, what were you doing? You shouldn't move until you get better," Chat scolded her.

"Visiting a friend of mine," Marinette said. It wasn't a complete lie, since she had wanted to meet Tikki more than anything. It wasn't the only reason she had wandered outside at night, though.

"At this hour?" Chat frowned.

"Not even my mom interrogates me this much," Marinette complained.

Chat raised his hands in the air as surrender. "Ok, I get it," he said. "I won't ask."

"Thank—"

"I didn't know little Marinette has a boyfriend," Chat teased, a grin appearing on his lips.

"I don't—"

"You probably wanted your quality time with him, I understand."

"That's not—"

"But how shameless of him," Chat said dramatically. "You're injured and even so he still makes you go all the way to his house to—"

"Stop!" Marinette shouted, her cheeks burning bright.

"Oh?" Chat's ears raised up, giving her attention. "Or am I wrong?"

Marinette turned her face away from his gaze, still feeling a how red her cheeks were. "I don't have a boyfriend."

"Then you're not official yet?"

"Stop this nonsense," she pleaded. "I don't have anyone like that."

"Then, someone you like at least?" Chat asked.

Marinette didn't know how to face him. "Why do you ask?"

Chat shrugged. "Curiosity."

"Curiosity killed the cat."

"And satisfaction brought it back," Chat added triumphantly with a smile. "That was a good pun, by the way."

"I didn't do it intentionally," Marinette frowned.

"That's because you're a natural!"

Marinette rolled her eyes. "Not at all."

There was a moment of silence, where the two of them stared directly at each other. Marinette knew what he wanted to ask, but she was going to ignore it as much as possible. So, they engaged in a little silent war, until Marinette finally averted her eyes.

 _No way, I can't tell him, or he'll know_ , Marinette thought.

"I won," Chat proclaimed happily.

"Uh-huh."

"So?"

"It's a secret," Marinette finally said.

"Oh, c'mon," Chat exclaimed. "I probably won't even know who he is, so no harm done, right?"

If Marinette hadn't known who he was, she would've probably told him. But that wasn't the case, and Marinette knew perfectly well that Adrien had just lied. A little white lie, nothing much coming from a superhero that needed to protect his identity. Still, _that_ was taking advantage from his secret identity.

Kind of like cheating. But she couldn't say anything, since she was cheating too.

She still wanted to tease him a little bit, though.

"How do I know you won't know?" Marinette asked, a bit too dramatic. "Maybe I do know your civilian life. Oh, maybe it's that why you're helping me out? I would be really pissed if you're lying to me."

Chat grinned nervously. Even with his suit on, Marinette could almost see how he was cold sweating.

"Uh— I don't, uh… uhm," he tried saying, but he didn't find any words.

Maybe she had gone a little overboard.

Even after a few seconds of mumbling incoherent words, Chat could probably form a sentence. Knowing him, he was trying to find a way out without lying or revealing his identity. Tough task, Marinette admitted.

"I'm kidding," Marinette finally laughed, and Chat visibly relaxed. "I just wanted to tease you a bit. Still not going to tell you, though."

"Ok, fine," Chat complied. "I surrender."

Marinette smiled, happy to have find a way out his question. She was weak against puppy eyes, and this was not definitely the way that she had imagined confessing her love to him. Hell, she wasn't even sure she was ever going to tell him.

Without noticing, Marinette probably submerged into her thoughts while Chat Noir finally stood up. He had to clear his throat intensively to catch her attention, and when he finally did, Marinette wasn't sure why he was offering her his hand.

"Shall we go now?" Chat asked, giving her a polite smile.

"Go where?" Marinette questioned a bit confused.

"To keep my promise, princess," Chat said. "I'm going to take you out to soar the sky, just like you wanted."

Marinette gave him a confused look. "Isn't it late?" she asked. "I'll guess you have duties to fulfill in your civilian life too. I wouldn't want you to be tired tomorrow because of me."

"I don't mind," Chat reassured her.

"Why?" Marinette glared directly at him. "Why would you do that? Guilt?"

Chat opened his mouth but paused before saying anything.

Marinette remembered what she had told him as Ladybug. _Don't do things so half-heartedly_. Maybe she had been too harsh on him and her words were now rotting him from inside. But she hadn't meant it to be so mean, it was just her insecurities talking, wanting to know why Chat Noir would ever be interested in Marinette.

"I know it may seem like that," Chat said sheepishly. "But I truly want to know you. Marinette, you have always been someone that has captured my interest. And this is my opportunity, I don't want to waste it."

Marinette was speechless.

 _Me? Interesting?_

That was all she ever wanted. If Chat Noir could notice her as her plain, uninteresting civilian form, maybe she _really_ stood a chance. Not just as the perfect illusion that Ladybug was, but as her actual self.

"So, can you trust me?"

Marinette took his hand.

…

Maybe she really had went nuts. When he offered her his hand, she couldn't deny him. Marinette was happy and had a little moment where she had no self-control. And after that, everything happened in a bliss. Chat didn't only take her hand but raised her completely from the floor before agily jumping out of her room and from roof to roof.

Even if she had transformed just the day before, there was no way Marinette could get tired of the feeling of being up in the air. She relaxed the first few minutes, cuddling in Chat's firm hold. But after a while, reason came back to her and Marinette started questioning what she was doing there. Even if Chat wanted to get to know her, she felt like she was not allowed to. It wasn't fair, and she knew that everything was going to fall apart the day that the truth came out.

Who could trust someone that had lied to him during such a long time? Someone that broke his trust? Someone that lied so _easily_?

"You're frowning too much," Chat said, surprising Marinette. "You're going to get wrinkled."

"I'm not," she said defensively, though she knew it was true. Marinette looked around her, not recognizing where she was. "Where…?"

"Notre Dame," Chat answered quickly.

"What?"

"Have you never been to Notre Dame?"

"It's a bit far away," Marinette tried to excuse herself.

"Such a lame excuse," Chat laughed, finally letting her stand on her own two feet. "The Louvre is close. And the Eiffel Tower isn't even that far away, and I pretty much saw you walking there by yourself."

"Well, I just haven't had the opportunity to come here," she confessed. "I think I haven't been too interested."

"Not religious, huh?"

Marinette walked slowly to the edge of the building, paying attention to every little detail. "You could say that. Papa is, but mama is more of a Taoist, though she keeps it to herself. They didn't want me to be caught up between two different religions, so they decided to let me choose. And I guess… I just haven't paid attention to it."

"Your parents sound so nice," Chat commented a bit bitterly.

It took her a moment to understand his behavior. Then, she remembered. Gabriel Agreste wasn't the best dad someone could ask for, having neglected his child for years and being overprotective of him.

Marinette bit her lip. "And you?"

Chat sat down at the edge, something he usually did everywhere they went to. He liked being half in the air. "Me?" he said back, "Are you asking about my parents or if I'm religious?"

"Both?" Marinette said carefully.

"Well," Chat started saying, his gaze fixed at the horizon. "My mom was very religious, and she tried to raise me like that, but she has been gone for a long time. And my dad… he doesn't have much time for anything else asides work."

"Sounds rough," Marinette commented.

"It's not that bad," Chat smirked. "I'm busy all the time between work, fencing, studies, _and_ saving Paris. I don't have time to feel sorry about myself."

He was letting out more things that she should be able to know, and Chat probably noticed too. He went stiff and cleared his throat, gazing at Marinette from the corner of his eye. If Marinette didn't already know his true identity, she could have start wildly wondering about his identity. Chat didn't trust her enough to just reveal himself so easily like that— and she understood that, because they were the same. Asking any more than that was out of question.

Instead, Marinette giggled. "Is saving Paris always in your agenda?"

Chat visibly relaxed. "It's tough being a superhero."

"I can tell," Marinette said. "Always being able to go wherever you want, flying in the sky at night, having _superpowers_! Being loved by everyone! Such a bad life."

"Hey, it's not that easy," Chat reclaimed. "I put my life on the line every day. And I don't have time for anything else, I don't even sleep. Gosh, I _miss_ sleeping eight hours."

Marinette laughed, and even though her laugh mentally stopped around the middle, she pretended that everything was alright. Chat was being funny and overreacting to everything, just to make the situation more enjoyable. But some of it was true. The first year after starting to be a superhero, Marinette remembered always being tired. She would always be late to school—even when she lived just around the corner. It was tough, and it was hard to maintain her grades while falling asleep in every class. After a while, she got used to sleep almost nothing, her body start working well with less and less hours to sleep. Still, they were just as human as anyone else, and sometimes a good full amount of sleeping hours were the best gift anyone could give. Marinette guessed that it had been even worse for Adrien, having his schedule always packed even without his superhero life.

And here he was, not sleeping because of _her_. Adrien was awaiting a day with photoshoot starting from 7 o'clock to almost midnight, going back and forward from the university to the Trocadero to continue his job. Marinette knew that he hadn't sleep much the night before either because of his patrol, and now he was with her, stubbornly maintaining his promise.

It was around two in the morning. If they continued talking and then Chat returned her home, he was going to be in his house around four in the morning.

Which meant no sleep.

"Should we head back now?" Marinette asked, trying to sound as casual as possible.

Chat twirled his tail. "Why? We just got here."

"I'm getting kind of sleepy," she lied, avoiding any eye contact.

"You're lying," Chat giggled. "Stop it, it doesn't suit you."

"Why do you think I'm lying?" Marinette frowned, her voice defensive.

"I can tell," he shrugged. "I don't know why I know, but it's really easy to tell. It's some kind of… cunning."

"Cunning?"

"Yes, you know," Chat stopped, trying to find the words, "like foretelling? I don't know if that term is the one I'm looking for."

Marinette smirked.

"One of your powers is foretelling?"

"What? No!" Chat exclaimed. "I'm nothing that powerful. I don't even know if that's possible."

"Well, you exist," Marinette resonated. "So, it's possible. You're the living representation of magic being real."

There was a moment of silence afterwards, and Marinette was afraid to look back at Chat. She was getting an obnoxious feeling in her back, like someone looking at her too attentively.

"Do you really think so?" Chat asked.

Marinette didn't even waver. "Of course. You have such a powerful ability."

"I'm nothing compared to Ladybug."

 _So that's what it is about_ , Marinette thought.

"Listen," Marinette started, walking towards his feline friend to pat his shoulder. "Have ever think about it carefully? You're the most powerful superhero Paris has. Rena creates illusions, Carapace shields, Ladybug just magically creates things that _could_ be of help. They don't have any actual combat power, but _you_ can destroy whatever you want. And you're amazingly good at fighting. Chat Noir is the most fearsome hero, the only one that could destroy an entire city if you would want to. Don't get depressed over people being so oblivious."

After Marinette finished her rambling, there was a short silence in which Chat Noir didn't move. His eyes were fixed on hers, face to face without any word.

It was too intense, too sincere.

And then Chat hugged her. It wasn't a tight embrace, but rather just a soft cautious affection, with his hands gently touching her waist and his head resting on her shoulder.

"How do you manage to say what I've always wanted to hear?" Chat purred, finding comfort against Marinette's warm skin.

"I don't recall saying anything out of the ordinary," Marinette managed to say, trying to fix her uncontrolled breath.

She was afraid that her heartbeat would be too loud.

But Chat didn't seem to mind how fast her heart was bursting. Instead, he cuddled like a cat against her, delighted by the soothing sound of her heart.

After a few minutes, Marinette relaxed. She was still anxious about things she couldn't pinpoint, but Chat had always had the ability to comfort her. Somehow, her mind just suddenly stopped worrying about unnecessary things and focused on enjoying the long-forgotten sensation of pure, reliving happiness.

Since when did she stopped enjoying her time near Chat?

 _Since I was so afraid about everything that I started ruining things._

Marinette let her arms fall down, realizing how she had let her guard down. She was contradicting herself. Her mind and her feeling and actions didn't match. All she wanted to do was to hold him and never let go, but her reasoning told her that she was making a mistake.

Chat could notice her movements and how her body tensed, and while still half drugged from the moment, Chat rose his head to look at her expression. Their noses innocently bumped, leaving them just a few inches away from each other and waking them up of their short dream.

It took a few more seconds for Chat to regain part of his common sense and put more space between them without letting go of her.

He still had his eyes halfway closed. And he was leaning down again.

Marinette took a step back and laughed nervously. "Well, that's what I think at least. The other ones are powerful too, I guess. And it's still magic, so anything is possible, right?"

"Yes," Chat replied, a smile forming on his lips. "It does exist."

There was a bit of mystery on his tone, but Marinette averted her eyes to look somewhere else, her heart beating fast. For a moment, she had gotten too confident and forgot that she was just Marinette, and Chat Noir shouldn't be close to her. And this was the man she had feelings for since she was a kid. Just because she had always been comfortable around Chat didn't meant that she wasn't going to blush with his shiny smile.

 _I thought he was going to kiss me_ , Marinette thought, but shook that absurd reasoning from her mind.

"Notre Dame is indeed beautiful," Marinette commented. "But we can't enter right now, so there's nothing else to see, right? And it's late, so we should go back."

"You're right," Chat nodded and extended his hand. "Then shall we, princess?"

Marinette took his hand hesitantly but didn't come any closer. She was still feeling self-conscious.

"C'mon, don't be afraid of me," Chat smirked and pulled her closer. Still hesitant, Marinette circled his neck with her hand in a slow motion, feeling how his muscles tense under his suit to secure his arms around her waist to shift her up. "Ready?"

"Yes."

It was a weird feeling. Marinette hadn't notice before, but Chat had a firm grab and his arms didn't budge at any moment, no matter how much time had passed. She felt safe and comfortable. Trusting him was easy, and that scared her. But everything else overlapped her anxiety, letting her relax and enjoy this short moment again.

Arriving was too fast for her liking, and when Chat Noir landed on her balcony, Marinette grumped.

"Did you like it that much?" Chat teased, leaving her on her bed.

Marinette took a few seconds to snap out of her drunk-like behavior. After everything that happened, Marinette couldn't believe how she had let her guard down a bunch of times just because Chat was treating her differently.

"Thank you for today," she said. "I didn't expect it, this was nice of you."

"Anything for you, princess," Chat said, making an exaggerated bow to her.

Marinette frowned. "What is it with the princess thing? Stop calling me that, it's weird."

"Well," Chat smirked. "You're my princess, so why wouldn't I call you that?"

"Why would I be your princess?"

"You just are."

"Uh-huh," Marinette muttered sarcastically. "Poor Ladybug, she would be so jealous if she heard that. A mere girl taking her spot in the kitty's life."

"You've misunderstood, _purrincess_ ," Chat purred the last word, looking at her directly to see the annoyed face of Marinette at his pun. "She's my lady, and you're my princess. There's no need to fight for the role."

"Not like I was going to," Marinette laughed.

"I bet you love being the princess," Chat joked.

Marinette shrugged. "I'm honored."

He dropped her softly on her bed but didn't enter her bedroom. Instead, Chat squatted on her balcony and looked at her through the hole of the open trapdoor.

"Should we go during the day?" Chat said unexpectedly.

"What?" Marinette exclaimed. _We_ and _day_ sounded too out of reach for them. "I don't… think that's a good idea."

"Why?" Chat frowned, but then his expression changed. Marinette could almost see his blush behind his mask. "Oh, right. You're a civilian."

Marinette bit her lip.

Being in her room, looking at her daily life doings, reminded her that the dream had ended. She couldn't afford to get close to Chat as Marinette and putting themselves at risk because of a silly debt. She was a civilian, and he was a superhero. Any relationship could be of use for Hawkmoth and all the secret identity deal would be for nothing.

She could go as Ladybug. But that was out of question right now.

"Chat," Marinette said firmly. "You should stop this, I'm just a person that got hurt. Many other girls have been attacked on the street at night, and I wasn't even hurt that badly. So why are you treating me like this? It's no good if you give a preferable treatment to some random girl that happened to talk to you once in a while."

"You're not a random girl," Chat replied.

"I am," Marinette counterattacked. "Why wouldn't I be?"

She knew the reason. She was his friend, or at least, Adrien's friend. But Chat needed to learn how to separate Adrien from Chat Noir.

Chat didn't know what to say.

"It's hard to explain, princess" he said after a while.

"Stop it," Marinette grumped. "I'm not really your _princess_."

"But you are!"

"Why?" Marinette almost hissed.

"It's hard to—"

"Explain, I know," Marinette laughed sadly. "That's just because you can't. You have no reason."

"I—," Chat started saying, out of breath.

"Stop this preferable treatment," Marinette continued, closing the trap door. "Or you're going to lead people to think weird things."

Chat forced the door open, but Marinette struggled to keep it closed. He seemed like he was about to faint while Marinette was forcing to close the trap door. When she almost succeeded, Chat blurted out. "I like you!"

Marinette could only look directly at Chat's green eyes blowing with just as much surprise as her.

They were both shocked, unable to understand what just happened.

"Chat—"

"No," he said.

"What?"

"I'm sorry."

The trap door suddenly closed with a loud click, becoming an obstacle between the two of them.

Marinette opened the door and tried to follow him, but her movements were too sluggish because of her cast. By the time she managed to stick out her head, Chat was already jumping to the next building.

Her body stopped functioning, and Marinette fell down on her bed, too many thoughts going around in her mind.

A short-muffled cry came out of her.

"What the _hell_ was _that_?"


End file.
